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Oct 22, 2024
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Weight of the Crown
Tell me about the fool
Who told you that you must
Carry on alone.
All they want is to watch you wander,
Lost in the city of despair,
Spitting out their lies,
Chasing dreams down alleys
Where no streetlights burn.
You'll meet walls,
Cross broken paths,
And be a frequent guest
In disappointment’s suite.
But know this:
They don't define you.
They're just tourists,
Crowding the sidewalks
Of your broken heart.
So keep walking—
Even if you have to crawl.
You’re getting closer,
Even if you find another route,
You'll get there.
One day this journey
Will turn the stones
Weighing on your shoulders
Into a crown
Worthy of kings,
Rulers of their own destiny.
About This Poem
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
8 months 4 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Weight of the Crown" effectively uses metaphor and imagery to convey a narrative of struggle and eventual triumph. The city of despair, the tourists crowding the sidewalks of the broken heart, and the transformation of burdens into a crown are all powerful images that contribute to the overall theme.
However, the poem could benefit from more consistent use of meter and rhythm. The irregular line lengths and varying number of syllables per line can make the poem feel disjointed and disrupt the flow. A more consistent rhythm could enhance the impact of the poem's message.
The poem also seems to shift perspective from second to third person in the last two lines. This abrupt shift can be confusing for the reader. It may be beneficial to maintain a consistent perspective throughout the poem to avoid this confusion.
Lastly, the poem could delve deeper into the emotional journey of the protagonist. The poem tells the reader about the protagonist's struggles and eventual triumph, but it does not show these experiences in a way that allows the reader to fully empathize with the protagonist. More detailed descriptions or more vivid imagery could help to convey these emotions more effectively.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
mark
8 months 4 weeks ago
WoWza Paul
This one is a beauty!
For sure Bro!
Mark
Apostolos "Pau…
8 months 4 weeks ago
Thank you Mark
for your words
Michael Anthony
8 months 4 weeks ago
Perserverance in the face of
Perserverance in the face of adversity. Love how you captured this Paul! Especially like the following stanzas:
All they want is to watch you wander,
Lost in the city of despair,
Spitting out their lies,
Chasing dreams down alleys
Where no streetlights burn.
Awesome write!
Best
Apostolos "Pau…
8 months 4 weeks ago
thank you mike
for stopping by