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Oct 23, 2024
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Little do they know
They say if you have a cancer
You need to cut it out before
it spreads
I nod
They say I need to forget you
But your name is engraved
on my mind
Our memories inked in every page
of my brain, permanently
I'm supposed to hate you but
the thought of you brings me joy
I see your face in my mind's eye
And I can't help but smile
They say you're bad for me
But you're the creator of
my very existence
The good parts of me perfectly
complement the 'bad' parts of you
They say I shouldn't waste a single
neuron thinking about you
But you're the reason my brain
releases endorphins
Thoughts of you keep my brittle
mind intact
They say if you have a cancer
You need to cut it out before
it spreads
Little do they know
Cutting you off would be suicide
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Not actively editing
Comments
neopoet
8 months 1 week ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Little do they know" effectively uses the metaphor of cancer to explore the theme of a toxic relationship. The repetition of the phrase "They say" creates a rhythm and allows the reader to anticipate the speaker's resistance to the advice given.
The poem could benefit from more specific imagery. For instance, the lines "Our memories inked in every page / of my brain, permanently" could be more evocative if the memories were described in detail. Instead of stating that the memories are inked, showing what those memories are could create a stronger emotional connection for the reader.
The poem also uses the concept of endorphins and neurons to describe the speaker's feelings. While this scientific language adds an interesting layer to the poem, it could be developed further. For example, the poem could explore the contradiction between the emotional experience of love and the biological processes that underpin it.
In the line "The good parts of me perfectly / complement the 'bad' parts of you," the use of quotation marks around 'bad' is a bit unclear. If the intention is to show that the speaker does not agree with the assessment that these parts are bad, this could be made more explicit.
The final line "Cutting you off would be suicide" is a powerful conclusion. However, it might be worth exploring whether this line could be rephrased to avoid potentially harmful language around suicide. It's important to consider the impact of language on readers, particularly when dealing with sensitive topics.
Overall, the poem effectively uses metaphor and repetition to convey the speaker's struggle with a toxic relationship. With more specific imagery and a deeper exploration of the scientific language used, the poem could create a stronger emotional impact.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Candlewitch
8 months 1 week ago
Dear Calvin,
My advice is: Forget Them and give no credence to what They say! They sound like They are envious of what you have. Either that, or They are idiots! nice to meet you!
*hugs, Cat