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Oct 23, 2024
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Within the pain
It is within the pain that one end up gaining
Within the struggles one find the courage
It's within the world's questions one becomes strong
It is within the humiliation one becomes strong
Within the struggle one find peace
It is within .....
Within a cruelty of the old one to find comfort
It is within ...
Within changes one needs to adjust to
Within this world sacrifice are made
Within this world one independence for all
Within celebrity u find hope
It is , within....
About This Poem
Last Few Words: learning is atchievement for me even critics can be a compliment One needs a brutal truth to learn
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
8 months 3 weeks ago
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Within the pain" appears to explore the theme of resilience and growth through adversity. It uses repetition of the phrase "It is within..." to emphasize the idea that strength, courage, and peace can be found in the midst of struggles.
The poem could benefit from a more consistent use of grammar and punctuation. For instance, the line "Within this world one independence for all" seems to lack a verb, making it difficult to understand the intended message. Additionally, the use of the informal "u" in the line "Within celebrity u find hope" disrupts the formal tone established in the rest of the poem.
The poem also leaves some phrases incomplete, such as "It is within ....." and "It is , within....". If these are intentional, they could be clarified to ensure the reader understands the intended effect. If they are not intentional, completing these thoughts could strengthen the poem's message.
The poem could also benefit from more specific imagery or examples. While it currently uses abstract concepts like pain, struggles, and humiliation, incorporating more concrete details could make the poem more engaging and relatable for readers. For example, instead of "Within the struggles one find the courage", the poem could describe a specific struggle and how it led to the discovery of courage.
Lastly, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm or meter. This could help to create a more immersive reading experience and reinforce the poem's themes.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Candlewitch
8 months 3 weeks ago
Hello Q S,
In your poem there are several mistakes:
It is within the pain that one end(s) up gaining
Within the struggles one find(s) the courage
It's within the world's questions one becomes strong
It is within the humiliation one becomes strong
Within the struggle one find(s) peace
It is within .....
Within a cruelty of the old one to find comfort
It is within ...
Within changes one needs to adjust to
Within this world sacrifice(s) are made
Within this world one(s) independence for all
Within celebrity u(you, never use texting language in poetry) find hope
It is , within....
unless the whole poem is about texting, do not use texting language.
Welcome to Neopoet! I look forward to reading your next poem that you post!
*hugs, Cat