Neopoet Weekly 10/19/24 to 10/26/24

(Read More...)

Longing

Juices on my heart. Like honey, this is sweeter than honey. Faries on my mind, ease my heart, unangage my mind. Tag my soul and lead me into your own fairytale.

Teach my legs to walk into your in escape, our own sacred special space. Lend me your painting brush, wanna paint the glow in my heart, to dim this surrounding with gloom of tender.

Seductive essence, like shivers down my spine, transcending my mood to cloud 9. Roaming and oozing butterflies in my stomach, empties my worries, loopholes in my heart fills. Ease the volume, I'm overflowing now,

I'm stepping with ease, like a child. This untrample snow on my heart door, makes me wanna not loose a step, less I trip and be covered by your overwhelming charms. Less I fail to antangle myself out of your mazes of beauty

Palm my hand, blind fold my eyes, in you I let loose. My locks unlocked, keep walking, wake me not from this fantasy. Say the words. Whisper my name and I will follow your voice, with my heart in your care.

Caress my mind, cuddle my dreams. With baby steps I follow your aura of infiniteless discoveries. Your treasurers presence, take me, I'm yours forever
#Poetic_Ink

About This Poem

Last Few Words: Life happens

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: South Africa, ZAF

Comments

neopoet

8 months ago

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem demonstrates a strong use of vivid and emotive language, creating a sense of longing and desire that permeates throughout. However, there are areas where the clarity of the poem could be improved to enhance its overall impact.

Firstly, the poem could benefit from more consistent punctuation. The lack of punctuation in some lines makes the poem difficult to read and disrupts the flow of the piece. For example, in the line "Juices on my heart, like honey, this is sweeter than honey, fairies on my mind", the lack of punctuation between "honey" and "fairies" can lead to confusion.

Secondly, the poem could benefit from more concrete imagery. While the abstract language creates a dreamy, ethereal tone, it can also make the poem feel vague and difficult to grasp. For example, in the line "teach my legs to walk into your inescape", it is unclear what "inescape" refers to. More concrete imagery could help to ground the poem and make it more relatable to the reader.

Lastly, the poem could benefit from more varied sentence structures. Many of the sentences are long and complex, which can make the poem feel monotonous. Using a mix of short and long sentences could help to create more rhythm and pace in the poem.

Overall, the poem effectively conveys a sense of longing and desire, but could benefit from clearer punctuation, more concrete imagery, and varied sentence structures.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact