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Oct 30, 2024
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I'm sorry
I'm sorry I lost you
I'm sorry I wasn't enough
to make you stay
I'm sorry you hate me
I'm sorry you lost me
I tell myself you lost me because
I can't bear the thought that you're
happier without me
I'm sorry for being delusional
I'm sorry I didn't warn you
that I'd be the end of us
I'm sorry I made you mine
For a second I believed you could be
I'm so fucking sorry
I'm sorry for being me
Had I known, I would've dug a deeper
grave for myself
I'd still have you, without me
Which is enough
I'm sorry I scared you
I swear I didn't mean to
I thought for sure I could tame
my demon
Turns out I'm weak
I gave in and you gave away
Most of all,
I'm sorry I love you
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
8 months ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem effectively uses repetition to emphasize the speaker's regret and sorrow, creating a poignant and emotional tone. However, the language and imagery could be more varied and nuanced to avoid redundancy and to provide a more in-depth exploration of the speaker's feelings.
The poem could benefit from more concrete imagery and specific details. The abstract language used ("I'm sorry I lost you", "I'm sorry for being me", "I'm sorry I love you") could be replaced or supplemented with more vivid and specific examples that show what the speaker is sorry for. This would make the speaker's emotions more tangible and relatable to the reader.
The line "I'd still have you, without me" is a bit confusing and could be clarified. It's unclear what the speaker means by "without me" in this context.
The poem's structure is consistent, which helps to create a rhythm and flow. However, the use of a more varied structure could help to emphasize key moments or shifts in the speaker's emotions.
The use of profanity in the line "I'm so fucking sorry" is a strong choice that adds intensity to the speaker's emotions. However, it's important to consider whether this language is necessary for the poem's overall tone and message, and whether it might alienate some readers.
Lastly, the poem could explore the speaker's emotions and experiences in more depth. The speaker expresses regret and sorrow, but the reasons for these feelings are not fully explored. Providing more insight into the speaker's experiences could help to create a more complex and engaging emotional landscape.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Candlewitch
8 months ago
Dear Calvin,
I agree with AI on the language usage to spark up the poetry. also make the title I'm Sorry. get rid of the lowercase "s".
these are the lines I liked best:
I'm sorry I scared you
I swear I didn't mean to
I thought for sure I could tame
my demon
Turns out I'm weak
I gave in and you gave away
Most of all,
I'm sorry I love you
Lastly, welcome to Neopoet poetry site! It is very nice to meet you! Please read and comment on other poet's work. It will help you learn about structure and enhance your own poetic capabilities.
*hugs, Cat