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Oct 31, 2024
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Have you heard?
There’s a bar downtown
Where the stories are
better than the beers,
If you meet Captain Ralph
you’ll know why.
He tells stories better than
any Hollywood movie director
Just sit at the bar and wait.
Once there I was having a bad day,
Ordered two stiff ones and he ordered three.
Told me he had a girlfriend that ended up
Being a WWE wrestler and kicked his tail all the way to Scottsdale, AZ.
He said he didn’t feel safe in the west, and hitchhiked his way to NYC.
Unfortunately, bad luck followed
Went to a bar and someone slipped
Him something, and he
Ended up naked as a Jay bird,
Running down the streets of Manhattan.
Of course, arrested and sentenced to
both jail and drug treatment.
Ended up doing his bid with a good shepherd priest.
Met daily with a doctor who
was a real piece of work,
Almost maniacal, and asked strange favors.
While sitting there both the priest and the doctor arrived at the bar.
All begin patting each on the back, while joyfully reuniting.
Upon his return to the bar top,
Asked me if I knew the story of a captain, priest, and doctor who walk into a bar together? The priest a conduit to God for every man, the doctor a magician of every ill and ailment, a drunken captain the unfortunate collector of corpses.
The captain brings the doctor the cadavers and he worked his magic, but could not give it life, therefore brought it to the priest. With that, Frankenstein was born aka humans who are on there own kind of destructive war path. To that my reply was, ‘Touché,’ and ordered another round.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
7 months 4 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem, "Have you heard?" is a narrative piece that uses a conversational tone to tell a story. It effectively uses the setting of a bar and the character of Captain Ralph to engage the reader. The use of dialogue and the introduction of new characters as the poem progresses help to maintain interest and add depth to the narrative.
However, there are areas that could be improved for clarity and coherence. The transition from Captain Ralph's personal anecdotes to the allegorical tale involving a captain, a priest, and a doctor is abrupt. The connection between these two parts of the poem could be better established to improve the flow of the narrative.
In the final lines, the poem introduces a metaphor of Frankenstein, which is a powerful image but seems disconnected from the rest of the narrative. The metaphor could be more effectively integrated into the poem by providing more context or explanation.
Lastly, the poem could benefit from more consistent use of punctuation and capitalization. For example, the line "Being a WWE wrestler and kicked his tail all the way to Scottsdale, AZ." could be rephrased to "She was a WWE wrestler and kicked his tail all the way to Scottsdale, AZ." to maintain grammatical consistency.
Overall, the poem has a strong narrative voice and engaging characters, but could benefit from improved transitions, clearer metaphors, and more consistent punctuation and capitalization.
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