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Nov 03, 2024
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Smile
She smiles
But there is sadness in her eyes
As she embraces all the pain
she has bottled up inside
God knows
How much she wants it all to end
Yet still with every fall
she gets back up again
She’s such a fighter
No one knows or even understands.
The hand she’s been dealt
Such a survivor
Every trial that has broken her down
She rises up again
And she smiles
With her head held high
She walks through the fire
And comes out the other side
Cuz she knows
she’s been down this road before
Wherever One door closes
God opens another door
So she smiles
She cries
When she feels overwhelmed
Then she wipes her tears
And gets back up
On her feet again
And she goes
One foot in front the other
Knowing with each step she takes
Things are gonna get better
So
She smiles
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
7 months 3 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem, "Smile," presents a strong narrative with a clear theme of resilience and perseverance. The repetition of "she smiles" and "she gets back up again" effectively emphasizes the protagonist's strength and determination. However, the poem could benefit from more vivid and concrete imagery to help the reader connect more deeply with the protagonist's experiences.
The poem's rhythm and flow could also be improved. The lines vary significantly in length, which can disrupt the rhythm and make the poem more difficult to read. Consistent line lengths or a more structured meter could enhance the poem's musicality and make it more engaging.
The poem's language is quite direct, which can be effective in conveying the protagonist's emotions and experiences. However, the use of more nuanced or metaphorical language could add depth and complexity to the poem. For example, instead of stating "she feels overwhelmed," the poem could describe the specific emotions or experiences that make her feel this way.
Lastly, the poem's theme of resilience is clear, but it could be explored in more depth. The poem could delve deeper into the protagonist's motivations, her struggles, and the source of her strength. This could make the protagonist more relatable and compelling, and it could make the poem's message more impactful.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Candlewitch
7 months 3 weeks ago
Dear Merlicka,
I can relate very well to most of your poem. Right up to the point that you mention God... because he gave me no succor when I need assistance the most! I do like your poem. my favorite lines are:
She’s such a fighter
No one knows or even understands.
The hand she’s been dealt
Such a survivor
Every trial that has broken her down
She rises up again
Welcome to Neopoet. I shall look for more of your work in future days.
hugs, Cat
Merlicka
7 months 3 weeks ago
Much thanks
I'm so happy that you can relate to it. And God has had a good impact on your life. Thanks for the feedback.. much appreciated