CCfire

May 05, 2011 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

socal

southern air is dry
it makes your mouth
tingle like a teenage kiss
picks up strands of hair
as if it wants to be
a sure and certain lover
at night it sighs
across palm trees

across streets where
apartment windows
lie open to its charm
a guy watching a game

a woman
smoking and
watching it drift
further away
with all her dreams

and me
on the edge of a chair
teetering
on the wire
weaving words
as a safety net

tonight
i am not sure
what it is
i'm afraid of

About This Poem

Style/Type: Free verse

Review Request Direction: [This option has been removed]

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Melbourne, Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Bukowski, Neruda, Rumi, Gibran, Jeffers, Corso, Waldman, Kerouac

Comments

Roscoe Lane

14 years 2 months ago

First run,

First run through and i think it's another great poem, you have an art of atmosphere. Will look back later when i have more time, but first impression are well my first sentence tells you. Regards Roscoe...

CCfire

14 years 2 months ago

Thanks Roscoe, it's always a

Thanks Roscoe, it's always a boon for a muse when you're on vacation in new places :)

Ayaz Warith

14 years 2 months ago

I appreciate the whole scene

I appreciate the whole scene you ahve woven in this lovely piece. Its artistic values are unmatched.
Thanks for sharing
Regards
Ayaz

CCfire

14 years 2 months ago

So-cal..it's a short form for

So-cal..it's a short form for Southern California that people use here :)

CCfire

14 years 2 months ago

Well I could but then poets

Well I could but then poets never listen to advice, I take my lead from the master of understated narrative, Bukowski...'don't try' just write beer shit and people will read it.

scribbler

14 years 2 months ago

hi

Hope you're having fun out there. Now some alternatives from an unrepentant rhymer lol.
L-12 change the to a
L-14 delete and
L-22 change writing to weaving
L-50 tell stan to leave you alone lol
A good job of describing the atmosphere. San Diego or L.A.?........................scribbler

CCfire

14 years 2 months ago

Right in between Scrib..:)

Right in between Scrib..:) Off to a Padre's game tonight.

Esker

14 years 2 months ago

loose change

alphabet soup from the food bank
my account hemmoraged from no trust
the water leaking through the railing
like a clever moth through the webs

I read your works and am entranced
Bukowski I get snippets from now
and then The greats of that marvelous
time in the fifties writing writing writing
I shall keep on trucking as was said
ten years later
writing writing writing

Your prose provokes me further
and I am astounded and dazzled

thank you Poet

CCfire

14 years 2 months ago

Esk, I just love receiving

Esk, I just love receiving your comments, even they are the poetry of a poet :) Thank you

Esker

14 years 2 months ago

poets of old

a lot of them were vying for money for publishing in the day and were rather ambitious here its open and a tad more relaxed I love your works I think you a hell of a fine poet Oh gotta go shopping now with the ex we are still freinds I should write about shopping one day

CCfire

14 years 2 months ago

Thanks and yes that's true.

Thanks and yes that's true..shopping..I remember reading one about finding Walt Whitman at the grocery store..it intrigued me, I wish I could remember it now.

Psyve

14 years 2 months ago

Chez

This is such a well penned description of the moment... a glimpse out of an open window, the warm southern californian wind interconnecting different lives... the lady with a cigarette standing in the street, the man in the building across the street watching a game on TV... the poet at her keyboard, waiting for the words to flow, and wondering what it is she is afraid most of...
Good job!

Psyve