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Nov 18, 2024
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The Other Side of Silence
The universe has its noises
planets and stars has their voices
but I thought about the other side of silence
where no one can cry or speak
Our lives were formed by noises and speech
when you could try and understand celestial havoc
where nothing could stop making noises
stars could only raise their voices
Listen to the voices of the planets
try to find the noises of the stars
between Jupiter and Mars
you'll find the other side of silence
Even if you don't see it
you'll know that you'll hear it
the stars couldn't understand it
that you'll try and fight it
There could be another side of silence
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
7 months 1 week ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem, "The Other Side of Silence," presents a compelling exploration of silence and noise in the universe. The recurring theme of celestial bodies having voices and noises provides a unique perspective on the universe's soundscape. However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent use of metaphor and imagery.
In the first stanza, the concept of the "other side of silence" is introduced, but it is not clearly defined or explored. It would be beneficial to expand on this concept, providing more concrete imagery or metaphor to help the reader understand what is meant by this phrase.
The second stanza introduces the idea of "celestial havoc," which is an intriguing concept. However, it is not clear what this havoc entails or how it relates to the theme of silence and noise. Expanding on this idea could add depth to the poem.
The third stanza introduces a specific location in the universe, "between Jupiter and Mars," where the other side of silence can be found. This provides a concrete image for the reader, but it is not clear why this location is significant. Providing more context or explanation could enhance this stanza.
The final stanza introduces the idea of not seeing but hearing the other side of silence. This is a compelling concept, but it is not clear how it relates to the rest of the poem. Developing this idea further and tying it back to the earlier stanzas could strengthen the poem's overall coherence.
Lastly, the poem could benefit from a more consistent use of rhyme and rhythm. The current structure is somewhat irregular, which can disrupt the flow of the poem. Experimenting with different poetic forms could help enhance the poem's musicality.
In summary, this poem presents a unique perspective on silence and noise in the universe, but could benefit from more detailed imagery, a clearer exploration of its central concepts, and a more consistent use of rhyme and rhythm.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Candlewitch
7 months 1 week ago
Dear Del,
I love the title which you have given this poem. The title drew me in. my favorite lines are:
Listen to the voices of the planets
try to find the noises of the stars
between Jupiter and Mars
you'll find the other side of silence
I have only one suggestion: to change the word (noises) to (sounds) it sounds more lyrical to the ear. I always read my poems out loud before I post them. I read other poets poems out loud too.
hugs, Cat
p.s.
it is only a suggestion, which you may take or leave,as it is your poem and all decisions are yours ;)