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Nov 25, 2024
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In the dark times...
In the dark times, I accept the pain.
Pain, that strikes deep into the heart.
Heart of my life, comfort me,
Me, the one who lives for you.
You, for me...
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Supposed to be loop-poetry. How did I do?
Review Request Direction: What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
neopoet
7 months ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "In the dark times..." appears to be a personal reflection on pain and comfort, with a strong emphasis on the interconnectedness between the speaker and an unspecified "you". The use of anaphora, or the repetition of a word or phrase at the beginning of successive clauses, is a notable feature of this poem. This technique can be effective in creating a rhythmic pattern and emphasizing certain themes or ideas. However, it may also risk becoming monotonous if overused.
In terms of content, the poem could benefit from more specific imagery or metaphor to convey the speaker's emotions. While the concepts of "pain" and "comfort" are universally relatable, they are also quite abstract. By grounding these emotions in concrete sensory details, the poem could potentially evoke a stronger emotional response from the reader.
The final line, "You, for me...", is somewhat ambiguous. This could be interpreted as a statement of reciprocity, suggesting that the speaker and the "you" character are mutually dependent on each other. However, without more context, it's difficult to ascertain the exact nature of their relationship. If this ambiguity is intentional, it could add an interesting layer of complexity to the poem. If not, the poet might consider revising this line for clarity.
Lastly, the title "In the dark times..." sets a somber tone for the poem. However, it's worth noting that the poem doesn't explicitly reference any "dark times". If the title is meant to refer to a specific period of hardship or adversity, the poet might consider incorporating this into the body of the poem to create a stronger connection between the title and the text.
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Candlewitch
7 months ago
Dear Geez,
I like what you have done with this style of poem... It flows well, as it should. You have done very well with Loop Poetry. Good luck with the contest!
much appreciation, Cat
Geezer
7 months ago
Again...
thank you for always giving me encouragement. ~ Geez.
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Rula
7 months ago
Works
Pretty well!
And not without an exquisite message.
Good job!
Geezer
7 months ago
Thank you...
I was just writing some lines down and that is what came of it! The piece seemed to fall into place really easy. It was fun. ~ Geez.
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Lavender
7 months ago
In The Dark Times
Hi, Geezer,
Wonderful loop! I disagree with AI - in this case, less is best! The depth is felt throughout. Especially that fantastic final line.
Thank you,
L
Geezer
7 months ago
That is...
what I was trying to achieve, a sense of depth without wandering all over the map. I'm glad that you enjoyed this one. Thank you, ~ Geez.
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