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Nov 27, 2024
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Snitches
Snitches, snitches get stitches
They’ll say whatever it takes to get out of deep ditches
They’ll talk about whoever they can and rat out
It’s a blame game for them when they're trying to chase clout
Snitches will sing like a canary up and down the scale
They will tell the tale like their loyalty is up for sale
They have no allegiance when it comes to their squad
Blabbing on just about everyone and swear on God
Snitches will leak their business without hesitation
Then they’ll cover their own asses to avoid incarceration
But to the criminal element they'll be known as traitors
Even if they participated, they’ll point out perpetrators
Snitches run their mouths like it’s a hearty party cheer
It’s as if squealing feels so appealing for everyone to hear
They will play thug in the streets and try to act hard
But might get what’s coming to them if they’re out in the yard
Snitches, snitches get stitches when they talk too much
Jumping in getting in and out of trouble like it’s double Dutch
They can’t keep a secret when it comes to their crimes
Spilling the beans in court because they’re afraid to do time
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
7 months ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem, titled "Snitches," uses a colloquial and streetwise language to explore the theme of betrayal, particularly in the context of criminal activity. The language and rhythm are consistent, contributing to a strong narrative voice throughout the piece.
However, the poem could benefit from a more varied vocabulary. The term "snitches" is used frequently, which can become repetitive. Consider using synonyms or related terms to add variety and depth to the narrative.
The poem also leans heavily on telling rather than showing. For example, the line "They can’t keep a secret when it comes to their crimes" tells the reader directly about the character's actions. Instead, consider showing this through a specific scene or action.
The rhyme scheme is consistent, which helps to create a rhythmic flow. However, some of the rhymes feel forced, which can disrupt the flow of the poem. For example, the rhyme of "cheer" and "hear" in the fourth stanza feels somewhat strained.
The poem could also benefit from more vivid and original imagery. While the poem does use some imagery, such as "sing like a canary up and down the scale" and "run their mouths like it’s a hearty party cheer," these are fairly common phrases. Consider using more unique and surprising imagery to engage the reader's senses and emotions.
Finally, the poem could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of its theme. The poem presents a fairly one-sided view of its subject, which can limit its emotional impact. Consider exploring the motivations and inner conflicts of the "snitches" to add depth and complexity to the poem.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Wallyroo92
6 months 3 weeks ago
Snitches
Thank you.
Ray Miller
7 months ago
Snitches
Enjoyed the read, though the rhythm gets a bit ragged in places.
Snitches, snitches get stitches when they talk too much
Jumping in getting in and out of trouble like it’s double Dutch - I don't think the line makes much sense and you don't really need "Jumping in"
Snitches will sing like a canary up and down the scale - if you say "Snitches sing like canaries..." it helps the rhythm
Wallyroo92
6 months 3 weeks ago
Snitches
Greetings Ray, thank you for reading and providing feedback.
I have to admit I was listening to some music which made me go off a little on syllable counts and rhythm, which is why I kept the repetition. For that line "Jumping in Getting In" I was using double internal rhymes and word play to "Jumping in" to double Dutch, the bar felt almost like a paradiddle rudiment when spoken (at least to the rhythm I was listening to at the time).
Juarez5656
6 months 2 weeks ago
Word yo
Keep that gangster stuff rolling along
Wallyroo92
4 months 4 weeks ago
Snitches
Haha, Thanks Juarez
It's one of those things where folks have to commit to that kind of life.
Hope you're doing well.