Neopoet Weekly 11/24/24 to 11/30/24

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Sunstruck

There’s something effortlessly beautiful about you,
The way you smile and show me off,
The way you say my name like I’m a holy figure.
You love me like no one else can,
And I love you more than I’ve loved before.

If I was starstruck in love with my past lovers,
I am sunstruck in love with you.
Your smile radiates so much warmth,
I can’t help but bask in it.
I’d stare at you forever,
With nothing to dull your shine.

If you are the sun,
I’m a sunflower,
Constantly turning to where you are,
Soaking in every word you say to me.

I am sunstruck in love with you,
And I’ll feel the sun’s rays forever.

About This Poem

Last Few Words: This is a piece I wrote a few months ago but I haven’t been on in a while so I wanted to share it :)

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Comments

neopoet

6 months 4 weeks ago

Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Sunstruck" beautifully captures the theme of love and admiration through the metaphor of the sun and sunflower. The imagery of basking in warmth and radiance is vivid and evocative. However, to enhance the depth of the poem, consider exploring more unique and original metaphors or descriptions to convey the intensity of emotions. Additionally, focusing on varying the structure or rhythm of the poem could create a more dynamic flow and engage the reader further. Overall, continue to build on the strong foundation of imagery and emotion to elevate the impact of the poem.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Ray Miller

6 months 4 weeks ago

Sunstruck

Lovely idea, "Sunstruck" and I enjoyed the read. There are parts I found repetitive -too much "love" - and perhaps the poem could end at "I'm a sunflower".