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Dec 08, 2024
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Nightmares
NIGHTMARES
In a sea of torment, what
hides behind screams back
at you from the other side.
Sleep deprived eyes within
shrunken cavernous hollows,
A deep dread bleeds through
bloodshot focus, blurring realities
Segmented mortalities
From the hidden depths of your
immortal soul thoughts collide
and swirl, an unthinkable hellish
glare can hardly bear ridged body
nightmare stare.
The never before seen has a place
within every human being, believing
what's not fragrant pungent odours
leaving a bitter after taste.
The expansive minds inflates as it
lies in wait dictates shapes an
altered state, myself this
unconscious enemy.
About This Poem
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
6 months 2 weeks ago
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
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Lavender
6 months 2 weeks ago
Nightmares
Hello, Ziggy,
Really like the rhymes hidden within the stanzas. It gives a somewhat choppy, but irresistible flow to the poem. The structure matches the theme well! A bit confused with reality's and mortality's - realities, mortalities? Possessive or plural? And "never before seen/scene..."
The final stanza is powerful, especially that great last line.
Thank you!
L
ziggy
6 months 2 weeks ago
Hi
Hi, many thanks for the comment and the changes needed I'll have a look kind regards.