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Dec 08, 2024
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Chilling in the mental health ward
Tick tock tick tock
Time goes slowly on the rocket clock
Tick tock tick tock
Am I ready or am I not?
Tick tock tick tock
Dare I mention the DMs name?
Tick tock tick tock
Surely this is Musky"s game
A plot so warped it'll leave your stomach in knots
A game so twisted- play it you'd rather not
But it's too late now to call off the nurse's troops
You entered at your own peril
Determined to know the truth
They say the truth shall set you free
But chilling in a mental health ward seems
like a long way from free to me
Should I let them poke me
Allow them to make me bleed?
Or does it not even matter
My fate previously been decreed
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
7 months 1 week ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem's title and content suggest it is exploring the theme of mental health, specifically within the context of an institutional setting. The use of repetition, particularly with the "tick tock" motif, effectively conveys a sense of time passing slowly and the protagonist's anxiety or apprehension.
However, the poem could benefit from more consistency in its rhyme scheme. The first stanza follows an AABB pattern, while the rest of the poem does not adhere to a specific rhyme scheme. Consistency in this area might enhance the poem's rhythm and overall impact.
The references to "the DMs name" and "Musky's game" are somewhat ambiguous. If these are intended to be specific references, they might be clarified or expanded upon to ensure the reader can fully understand their significance. If they are meant to be vague, consider whether this ambiguity serves the poem's overall message and theme.
The transition between the second and third stanzas could be smoother. The second stanza ends with a focus on a game, while the third stanza suddenly introduces the concept of truth. Linking these ideas more clearly could strengthen the poem's narrative flow.
The final stanza introduces the idea of fate having already been decided. This is a powerful concept that could be further explored or hinted at earlier in the poem to build up to this conclusion.
Overall, the poem presents a compelling exploration of mental health and institutionalization, but could benefit from clearer connections between ideas, more consistent use of rhyme, and further development of its key themes.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Juarez5656
7 months 1 week ago
Sympathetic poem
But mental health wards would be really interesting if you illustrated them with images as well. Good job