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Dec 08, 2024
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The Troll at the Bridge
“Pay the toll” the old bald troll told me,
“Or else suffer the consequences if you don’t”,
So lo and behold I had gold to pay his fee,
But then I asked “what happens if I won’t?”
So the old troll strolled back and forth hotly,
His nostrils flared like he was about to strike,
“You’re a bold soul for talking to me like this…
Roll on out of here or I’ll put you on a spike”.
“No I won’t go” I said “my home is this way,
I’m not paying a toll so stop harassing me”
The troll stood tall with all his meanness,
But I stood my ground scorching and angry.
“Then I’ll tear you to pieces and eat you,
I’ll take the other half home for my fridge,
I’ll feed myself for days with your remains,
But you’re not going to cross my bridge”.
“This isn’t your bridge you old mold” I said,
“The villagers built this justly and rightly,
But if you’re going lay claim to this crossing,
Then put up your dukes and fight me!”
“You don’t know the strength of a troll” he yelled,
“I don’t give a damn” I answered screaming madly,
“Then you’ll suffer a horrible painful death” he said,
But I replied “Not before I kick your ass so gladly”.
Then I remembered all the rum I drunk,
I’m a little guy and he’s as big as a tree trunk,
And what was in the tobacco pipe I smoked?
I felt invincible but look what I provoked.
Just then my special stash fell out of my back pocket,
He stopped dead cold in his tracks trying to comprehend,
We looked at each other and without a word being said...
The troll and I smoked a whole bowl and became friends.
The End.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
neopoet
6 months 2 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem, "The Troll at the Bridge", effectively uses rhyme and rhythm to create a narrative. The consistent ABAB rhyme scheme throughout the poem contributes to the overall flow and readability. The narrative itself is engaging and contains elements of humor and surprise.
However, the poem could benefit from more consistent meter. The varying lengths of lines can disrupt the rhythm and flow of the poem. For example, the line "Then you’ll suffer a horrible painful death” he said," is significantly longer than the line that follows it, "But I replied “Not before I kick your ass so gladly”." This inconsistency can be jarring for the reader.
The poem also has a tendency to tell rather than show. For example, the line "The troll stood tall with all his meanness," tells the reader that the troll is mean, but it might be more effective to show this through the troll's actions or dialogue.
Lastly, the poem's language is a mix of formal and informal tones. While this can be an effective tool in some cases, it seems unintentional here and can be confusing for the reader. For instance, the use of the word "dukes" in the line "Then put up your dukes and fight me!” is a colloquial term that contrasts with the more formal language used elsewhere in the poem.
In conclusion, the poem could benefit from more consistent meter, more showing rather than telling, and a more consistent tone.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Wallyroo92
5 months 1 week ago
The Troll at the Bridge
Thank you.
Lavender
6 months 2 weeks ago
The Toll at the Bridge
Hello, W!
A great tale! So... if this poem was a puzzle, I'd switch around pieces of punctuation here and there so that this funny conversation fits together smoothly. For example: periods, commas, etc. are all placed before the quotation marks. (Just a bit distracting while reading.) You may want to go online for better direction with punctuation guidelines. Even with that, though, this was a fun read with a masterful ending!
Thank you!
L
Wallyroo92
5 months 1 week ago
The Toll at the Bridge
Thank you for reading and commenting.
I wrote this some years ago when I was using a lot punctuation. It’s one of my favorite “kid” stories that I’m thinking of putting together to perhaps publish.