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Dec 09, 2024
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Friend or Foe?
In shadows deep, where trust once lay,
Did you whisper sweet lies, or simply stray?
With smiles so bright, yet daggers drawn,
Was our bond a spark, or a cruel con?
In laughter shared, did you feign delight?
Were you my ally, or lurking in night?
The warmth of your words, a comforting guise,
Could love be a mask, hiding treacherous lies?
When I turned my back, did you plot and scheme?
Were you ever my friend, or just part of a dream?
In moments of need, where were you then?
Did you cheer my triumph, or curse me again?
The echoes of trust now haunt my mind,
Are you the treasure, or a thief unkind?
With every betrayal, the truth takes its toll,
Was I ever the conqueror, or just the fool?
As shadows lengthen, I ponder the past,
Was our friendship a fortress, or built to not last?
In the silence that lingers, I search for a sign,
Were you friend or foe, or just a thin line?
With lessons learned, I ponder anew,
What is friendship, if trust can’t hold true?
In the depths of my heart, I seek to define,
A bond forged in fire, or a web spun with twine?
About This Poem
Last Few Words: I wrote this poem to explore the complexities of trust and the pain of betrayal in friendships. It reflects the internal struggle of reconciling love and hurt, prompting deeper reflection on what true friendship means. Through questioning, I sought to capture the fragility of connections that can often feel so uncertain.
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
6 months 2 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Friend or Foe?" presents a series of rhetorical questions that effectively convey the speaker's sense of betrayal and confusion. The recurring theme of trust and betrayal is well established and maintained throughout the poem. The use of contrasting imagery, such as "smiles so bright, yet daggers drawn" and "love be a mask, hiding treacherous lies," provides a vivid depiction of the speaker's emotional turmoil.
However, the poem could benefit from more varied sentence structure. The repetitive use of questions can make the poem feel monotonous and predictable. To create more dynamic rhythm and flow, consider interspersing statements or declarative sentences among the questions.
Additionally, the poem's language tends to be abstract, which can make it difficult for readers to fully engage with the speaker's experience. Including more concrete details or specific examples could help to ground the poem's themes in tangible reality and make the speaker's emotions more relatable.
Lastly, the poem's conclusion could be strengthened. The final two lines introduce a new metaphor ("A bond forged in fire, or a web spun with twine?") that doesn't seem directly related to the preceding imagery and themes. To create a more cohesive and impactful ending, consider revising these lines to more directly echo or build upon the poem's established motifs.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
kowque
6 months 2 weeks ago
Did you
Write out my heart?
You did the most. And did some more!!!
I loved reading this. Make it longer. You have a voice I enjoy.
kowque
6 months 2 weeks ago
That last line...
I'm still reading it.
Geezer
6 months 2 weeks ago
Your title is a little bit
Your title is a little bit ehhh, but fitting. The rhyme and rhythm is impeccable until
the fourth stanza, where you lose the rhyme with
"the truth takes it's toll/or just the fool". I was surprised at the lapse in rhyme, as the rest of the poem was so tight. I think that you might be able to rewrite the last line to make it right and still make the rhyme. How about trying something like;
"Was I ever the conqueror, or was my heart your goal?" The rest of the poem is very well done. Someone must have done your heart a grievous hurt in the past, to have such thoughts, instead of just accepting friendship and love. ~ Geezer.
Lavender
6 months 2 weeks ago
Friend of Foe
Hello, Shantie,
I read this aloud and it flowed so well. I will disagree with AI's assessment of the quantity of questions - they are so important and significant to your title. I do agree with Geezer's suggestion about toll / fool. Because the poem is so tight in rhyme throughout, those two lines stand out a bit. This articulate poem holds a lot of depth.
Thank you,
L
Shantie Moyo
6 months 2 weeks ago
Thank you Lav
Thank you Lav