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Dec 10, 2024
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911......
Hello this is 911 whats
Your emergency?. Hello
I need help I live at address
redacted ! I saw a man cutting
up a dead body he saw me
and started sprinting after me.
OK mam what did he look like
Spanish, black, Caucasian?
I don't know five nine erm
wrapped white mask no
expression like a manican
I couldn't get a description
I just ran.
Please help me he saw
me go inside, mine
hold on
OK mam we're is he now?
He's trying to kick the back
door In. I ran upstairs to hide
In the closest. Yes! I locked it
until omg hes just kicked it into
splinters.
Mam try Keeping calm did
you say he is armed ? He's
coming up the The stairs
I'm scared !
Mam, mam are you there ?....
OK we need police over there
right now
I can hear torn out screams
and a knife plunging like rapidly
stabbing a melon it sounds
messy.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
6 months 2 weeks ago
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
It is not feasible to offer feedback.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Rula
6 months 1 week ago
Hello J.F.
This is creepy. Not really my cup of tea but I was drawn in by the title.
I think this deserves a better proofreading for a smoother flow.
Looking forward to reread after the edits.
Until then, thank you for sharing!