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Dec 10, 2024
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Many Moons Ago
What is it about the moon that lends itself to rhyme and verse, and so much more? The moon that weaves its way into countless poems, books, and songs while it soars across the nighttime sky on its quest to light the world.
But what about this moon we see most every night? A waning or waxing crescent moon or the moon trying its best to become full, to be seen around the world but through different lenses, shadowed by circumstances and events that can distort an otherwise pristine celestial body.
I think about the moon often and wonder about the sailor, dependent on tides dictated by the moon, or the less fortunate that can only see the moon that marks another lonely and dangerous night, but, most often I think about our moon.
Our moon, rising over our lake so many years ago, shining a single beam for only you and me to know at that moment, giving light to a life we once dreamed might be.
Oh how close we came, yet a journey never traveled can never leave memories that will shine such a bright light. We traveled that journey together and the memories of that moment in time will never fade.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
6 months 2 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Many Moons Ago" presents a reflective and introspective exploration of the moon as a symbol, its different interpretations, and personal significance. The use of the moon as a metaphor is a common trope in poetry, and this poem engages with that tradition in a thoughtful way.
One area for improvement could be the structure and rhythm of the poem. The lines are quite long, which can disrupt the flow and rhythm that is typically associated with poetry. Consider breaking these lines into shorter segments to create a more rhythmic and engaging reading experience.
The poem also tends to tell more than it shows. For example, in the line "shadowed by circumstances and events that can distort an otherwise pristine celestial body," the poem tells the reader about these circumstances and events, but does not show them. Consider using more concrete imagery and specific examples to convey these ideas.
Lastly, the poem could benefit from a more consistent use of figurative language. While there are some metaphors, such as "the moon trying its best to become full," there are also many literal descriptions. Incorporating more metaphor, simile, and other forms of figurative language could add depth and complexity to the poem.
Overall, the poem offers a thoughtful exploration of a common poetic symbol, but could be improved through more careful attention to structure, imagery, and figurative language.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Lavender
6 months 2 weeks ago
Many Moons Ago
Hello, William,
How tender and beautiful. I can't help but feel this was written with a significant, personal event in mind. To reflect on the moon as the universe and the rest of us view it - with all its dimensions and different phases, spiritual and practical merits - and then to draw in to its most personal meaning, "our moon" that "only you and me to know at that moment..."
Gratitude for so much, right there... the moon being only a part of it.
Much to love with this.
Thank you!
L
I believe S1,L3 you may mean "soars" not "sours."
William Lynn
6 months 2 weeks ago
Hello Lavender.
Hello Lavender.
I'm so glad you enjoyed the poem, and as usual, I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment.
Thank you for catching my spelling error. I will edit that right away.
Hoping you have a wonderful Holiday Season! - Will
Rula
6 months 1 week ago
Hello Lynn
I very much like the comparison in stanza 4 and hoped for a happier ending,
The last stanza left me really unsure if you both have ever taken that journey?
I am not usually a fan of the long lines, but thought this one works well for the poem's mood.
Thank you for sharing.
William Lynn
6 months 1 week ago
Hello Rula.
Hello Rula.
I seldom write in long lines, finding more comfort in quatrains with rhythm and rhyme. This time, however, it felt right.
Yes, we traveled the journey together many years ago, but that one got away, and after that I met my wife of 55 years.
Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment. - Will