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Dec 15, 2024
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Dragonfly!
Dragonfly you bug-eyed fiend,
you rule the skies mosquito king.
Cruising through the stratosphere
just to find another meal.
Landing on an old tree branch
you pause to notice circumstance.
With steeley eyes you wantonly
peruse the swampy canopy.
To find a worthy mating wheel
you hold it tight as if to rear.
Fulfilling your supernal needs,
extend the life of your species.
Dragonfly your time has come
you meet a bird that sqwuaks yum yum.
He swallows you whole just for a snack.
There is no time to fend off it's attack.
You both are eaten in the atmosphere
digested there, up in the air.
The end has come, but with your need.
There will be others who will breed.
Nature seems to have it's way
of turning nightime into day.
No longer will you rule the skies,
another will rule with bulbous eyes.
And in time replace the human race.
As insects take over cyber space,
of mankind and it's carnal ways.
You've survived to exist another day!.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: I think it's kind of austere, the way we treat each other here, but in the end we'll find a way. To return to mother natures ways. A simpler kinder form of play without the indecent display of mankinds unruly games.
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
6 months 3 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Dragonfly!" presents a vivid depiction of the life cycle of a dragonfly, from its hunting habits to its eventual demise. It also alludes to the cyclical nature of life and the inevitability of change in the natural world.
The poem effectively uses imagery and personification to bring the dragonfly to life. The use of phrases such as "bug-eyed fiend" and "mosquito king" adds character to the dragonfly, while the description of its hunting and mating habits provides a glimpse into its natural behavior.
However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhyme scheme. While some stanzas follow an ABAB pattern, others do not, which can disrupt the flow of the poem. Consistency in rhyme scheme can enhance the rhythm and musicality of the poem, making it more engaging for the reader.
The poem also introduces a sudden shift in theme in the final stanza, where it suggests that insects might replace the human race. This idea is intriguing, but it feels somewhat disconnected from the rest of the poem. Developing this idea further or weaving it more seamlessly into the narrative could strengthen the overall coherence of the poem.
Finally, the poem could benefit from more precise language. For example, the phrase "steeley eyes" could be replaced with a more specific descriptor that conveys the dragonfly's predatory nature. Similarly, the phrase "worthy mating wheel" is somewhat vague and could be clarified.
Overall, the poem presents a compelling portrait of a dragonfly and its place in the natural world, but could be improved with a more consistent rhyme scheme, a more coherent thematic structure, and more precise language.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Triskelion
6 months 3 weeks ago
..dragonflies..
...have about 300 million years on us. I'd say they know what they're doing more than we do. I liked your first line because it was not what I was expecting.
I believe you are making a comparison between the extinction of dragonflies and humankind here and it isn't hard to imagine bugs ruling the planet again. They can eat about everything.
I don't know about anyone else, but in comparison to humans, I would have leaned toward cockroaches lol!
Your language use is good. Brush up the rhymes a bit and it will shine a little brighter
Thomas
Leslie
6 months 3 weeks ago
Thomas
Thanks for the read, you were right online.