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Jan 04, 2025
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Eternal hope
There may be no sunshine in the morning,
For grey clouds may fill the sky.
Nature's tears fill all our tomorrows,
And in desperation we may cry.
Oh how we ignored that fatal warning,
Filled with greed we didn't see.
So wrapped up in opportunity,
Sadly thought it was all for me.
And when the crisis came a calling,
I blindly tried to turn away.
Said humanity's self extinction,
Would likely come another day.
Now these winds and floods consuming,
Fill our minds with actual dread.
Do we know that we did cause it?
Or we'll bear the shame when dead?
Yet the blame is laid on the afflicted,
In the twilight of our demise,
Spreading fear as free as tears,
By the truth that we disguise.
Love and peace became the victims,
As they battled amidst this storm .
Human nature was the culprit,
Rinse and repeat, we won't reform.
Yet sunny days may be long coming,
In this battle twixt right and wrong.
Though this darkness is ever creeping,
Yet may eternal hope prove to be so strong .
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
6 months 2 weeks ago
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Eternal Hope" effectively conveys a message of reflection on humanity's impact on the environment and the consequences we face as a result. The imagery of nature's tears, the warning ignored due to greed, and the internal struggle between hope and despair are poignant and thought-provoking. The repetition of themes like denial, blame-shifting, and the potential for redemption through eternal hope adds depth to the poem.
One suggestion for improvement could be to vary the rhyme scheme or meter to enhance the flow and musicality of the poem. Additionally, consider exploring more vivid and specific imagery to further engage the reader and evoke a stronger emotional response. This could help to create a more immersive experience for the audience and enhance the overall impact of the message being conveyed.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
6 months 2 weeks ago
I'd say...
Your title is a little cliche, but serviceable.
The language use is good, I like the theme and,
the pattern and rhythm are good.
"Love and peace become the victims.
As they battle amidst the storm.
Human nature was the culprit,
Rinse and repeat, we won't return."
These are my favorite lines.
Makes me think of the times we have ignored all the problems, saying that
they are just something that will reoccur and we might as well get used to it!
~ Geez.
.
Lavender
6 months 2 weeks ago
Eternal Hope
Hello, Tigger,
I really like this. The theme is important and the poem is clear in its message. The rhythm and rhyme are good, and the language is mostly appealing. I agree that the title is a bit cliche, but it does represent the poem's meaning. I wonder about "rinse and repeat." I understand its purpose, but it feels a bit distracting and not in the same mood as the rest of the poem. That may just be me, however.
The poem's message is wonderful, so very true.
Thank you!
L
Tigger Kaz
6 months 2 weeks ago
Re cliché title
What title would you choose?
Always open to honest critique.. it's a learning curve after all.
Geezer
6 months 2 weeks ago
How about...
I shut my mouth, when I don't have a good title ready for you. After rereading this a number of times and spending a few minutes on thinking about a new title for this, I said: "You know, she was right all along". Thanks for calling me out on that. ~ Geez.
.
Lavender
6 months 2 weeks ago
Hello, Tigger,
The title is a bit cliche, but really reflects the meaning of the poem, so maybe it is perfect. I did notice in reading again that the word "yet" is used twice in the final line. It could be in rewording that line, you may find another title that suits your intention. If not, this still remains a strong poem with a clear message.
Thank you!
L
Clentin
5 months 3 weeks ago
Liked the poem very much. The
Liked the poem very much. The rhyme is great. Your message well taken