Alex Tanner

Jan 06, 2025 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

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A Girl and I. (3)

In a woodland glade a girl and I
Naked on carpets of bluebells lie,
Birds fly and sing as she and I
Profess our love neath a burning sky.

So long ago that girl and I
Professed our love neath a burning sky,
Soft bodies warmed by a sun hung high
Fused together we lay as one may die.

Many years have flown since that girl and I
Let free sweet passion as on bluebells we lie,
Many girls I have known but none could fly
My heat like a kite neath that burning sky.

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Country/Region: Isle of Wight United Kingdom

Favorite Poets: Poe, Swinburn, Bob Dylan, Spike Milligan, Alfred Noyes, Kipling., Many Others.

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Comments

Jackweb

5 months 2 weeks ago

This is a Romantic poem

I think the poem explores complexities of love and memory.
You have a consistent rhyme scheme.

Beautifully crafted piece.

,
,

Alex Tanner

5 months 2 weeks ago

Thank You

Thank you Jack, your comments are appreciated. Alex,

Jackweb

5 months 2 weeks ago

There may be

Some discovery of other themes found in the poem

,
,

Ray Miller

5 months 2 weeks ago

A Girl and I.

There's a couple of problems with the tense.
Professed our love neath a burning sky. -should be "Profess..."
Let free sweet passion as on bluebells we lie, - should be "lied"

Naked on bluebell carpets lie - would be nice.

Alex Tanner

5 months 2 weeks ago

Not sure I should take notice of a Villa supporter ( as was my brother ), now, if it had been Pompey. Ah Well. The first game I saw, so many, many years ago, in the fifties, at Fratton Park was against Villa, great days. Anyway back to serious matters. You are quite right, I was thinking whether to make it all past or present. I shall correct the first profess. Strictly speaking 'Lie' should be 'Laid or 'Lay' but I think Lie works ok. Thanks for interest and comments, they are appreciated. Alex

Ray Miller

5 months 2 weeks ago

A Girl and I

Hello Alex. I hadn't realised there were a few other British people on this site. A football supporter too! I've a poem about Alf Ramsey you might enjoy, I'll post it in the next few days.
Speaking of "enjoy", maybe something like
Many years have flown since that girl and I
Laid down on a bluebell bed to enjoy,

Lavender

5 months 2 weeks ago

A Girl and I. (3)

Hello, Alex!
I reread the original and (2). All beautiful and romantic. I really like the repetition within this. Is this a specific form? In the final line, do you mean "heat" or possibly "heart" - both would fit, but just curious.
Thank you for this romantic poem!
L

Alex Tanner

5 months 2 weeks ago

Hello L

I did mean heat. I thought that would emphasise the passion. i have a few more similar to this and, dare I say, they are based on experiences. There were some wonderful girls where I grew up. I try to give them the respect they deserve. Alex

Lavender

5 months 2 weeks ago

Hello, Alex,

Your response brought a smile to my face! How absolutely wonderful for you...and them!
L