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TG
The Gogetter
Jan 06, 2025 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

The Used To Be

What used to be
In my life
Has gone
Like the dinosaurs.

It just disappeared
Into thin air
No longer there.
As I look at my bag
The one I bought
In that shop across the road
It's gone!
Just like the current shop
Disappeared!

What used to be
Doesn't bother me
Anymore.
It's not there
So I imagine
What used to be
And notice what is.

I used to be something else
But now
I'm a poet
And a writer
And a customer service person.
I'm not what I used to be,
That's long gone!

I'm not sad
Or longing
About what used to be.
I'm happy it existed.
But now
Here
Today
I'm just happy to be alive..

About This Poem

Last Few Words: I was standing outside the beauty therapist's shop, and happened to notice that the shop across the road had shut down and moved a couple of corners away, in the same shopping strip. I remember, when I looked down at the bag I was carrying, that I had purchased this bag from that very same shop when it was in the form of another iteration. I began to ponder about what used to be, and was surprised that I did not feel sad or down at all. It was just another time in my life. It dawned on me, that I have definitely emerged from my dark hole and into the light. What was for me, was, and what is, is now in my life , and I am in the moment. It was one of those cathartic episodes that I wrote in the form of a poem to acknowledge it in written form.

Review Request Direction: What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft

About the Author

Country/Region: VIC

Favorite Poets: Dorothea McKellar, Henry Lawson, Banjo Paterson

More from this author

Comments

neopoet

neopoet

6 months 1 week ago

Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "The Used To Bes" employs a simple, conversational style that effectively communicates a sense of nostalgia and acceptance of change. The repetition of the phrase "used to bes" reinforces the theme of the poem and creates a rhythmic pattern that guides the reader through the narrative.

However, there are a few areas where the poem could be improved. The punctuation is inconsistent, with some lines ending in commas and others not. This can disrupt the flow of the poem and confuse the reader. Additionally, the double comma after "The one I bought," seems to be a typographical error.

The line "Just like the current shop, / Disappeared!" is a bit unclear. Is the current shop also gone, or is it the one that replaced the shop where the speaker bought the bag? Clarifying this point would help the reader understand the narrative more fully.

The transition from the speaker's reflections on the past to their current situation could also be smoother. The line "I used to be something else," introduces this shift, but it feels abrupt. Providing more context or a more gradual transition could make this part of the poem more effective.

Finally, the poem could benefit from more concrete imagery. The abstract language used throughout the poem makes it difficult to visualize the speaker's experiences. Using more specific details and sensory language could help the reader connect more deeply with the poem. For example, instead of saying "I used to be something else," the speaker could describe what they used to do or be in more detail.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

T

The Gogetter

6 months 1 week ago

Good Question

I wrote "bes" as in plural, but then I looked at it and questioned how to spell it. How do you express plural "be"? Is it totally nonsensical to write it like this? Is "be" plural or have I made a mistake here?

T

The Gogetter

6 months 1 week ago

Thank you Jackweb

I changed it all into singular , and it makes more sense. I thought something was wrong, but I could not work it out. Much appreciated for your comment. Very helpful for me.

R

Ray Miller

6 months 1 week ago

The Used To Bes

I like the 4th stanza best, self deprecating humour never goes amiss. There's far too many commas in the poem, though, which doesn't help the flow. Maybe "used-to-be's"?

T

The Gogetter

6 months 1 week ago

Thank you Ray Miller

I removed all the commas and it does flow much better. Good tip for me next time I place a poem online.

Candlewitch

Candlewitch

6 months ago

Hello Poet,

Maybe you could change (The used to be) to (What used to be) just a suggestion. It makes more sense to me. your poem got me thinking...

hugs, Cat