Rula

Jan 08, 2025 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Words to Live By...To my Son

Beware wall-ears, beware spy's eye;
Keep mum! Watch out what you've to say.
Don't spill your beans as fools pass by,
As many aim for words as prey.

Keep mum! Watch out what you've to say;
Let's see the man I'm proud to raise.
As many aim for words as prey,
Pursue the speech that God would praise.

Let's see the man I'm proud to raise;
Hold your horses! Stop, do not haste.
Pursue the speech that God would praise;
Don't rush a thing, but count to eight.

Hold your horses! Stop, do not haste;
Don't spill your beans as fools pass by;
Don't rush a thing, but count to eight;
Beware wall-ears, beware spy's eye.

About This Poem

Style/Type: Structured: Western

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: Jordan, JOR

Favorite Poets: I favor the ones who are closer to humanity and , Poets are humanity when the world lose it.

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

Candlewitch

6 months 1 week ago

Dearest Rula,

Your poem sounds lyrical to me, like a nice little song with cautionary content. I like it!

much love Candle

Rula

6 months 1 week ago

Thank you so much. I'm really pleased to see you visiting my poem.
Yes, you're definitely right about reading as a song as there are many repetitive lines as the Pantoum requires.
Looking forward to reading your poetry.
Much appreciate it!

Alex Tanner

6 months 1 week ago

Hello Rula

A very cautionary piece. Reminds me of the lines,
"The owl he sat high in an oak, the more he saw the less he spoke, the less he spoke the more he heard, now wasn't that a wise old bird". Alex

Rula

6 months 1 week ago

Sir Alex

Totally agree all that you said about that wise owl!
Hope you've enjoyed it anyway.I don't usually like poems that come with pieces of advice, and not sure where did pop from.
Much appreciate your kind visit

Geezer

6 months 1 week ago

A cautionary tale indeed...

There are spies all around, just waiting for one to make a mistake
and say something that you might regret. They are the people
that will remember and maybe even keep a record of it to use later.
I too, liked the sing-song quality of it. I applaud your use of yet another form, the Pantoum. ~ Geez.
.

Rula

6 months 1 week ago

Sir Geezer

Of course these people are everywhere. We must be aware of, but not fear them for they are mostly cowards.
Thank you. I can hear your applause and I hope you can see me blushing. :)
Highly value your kind visit.

Ruby Lord

6 months 1 week ago

Hi Rula, just wanted to say

Hi Rula, just wanted to say the repetitive structure gives your Pantoum a beautiful, meditative rhythm, well done. Ruby xxx :)

Rula

6 months 1 week ago

Thank you Ruby

Always great to hear from you dear.
Much value your visits and the supporting comments.

Ray Miller

6 months 1 week ago

Words to Live By...To my Son

Difficult things, pantoums, but you've done pretty well, I think.
As many aim the words to prey - I can't quite get my head around that phrase I wonder if it could be expressed more clearly.
Also, I'm familiar with the phrase Hold your horses, but Behold your horses means something different, doesn't it?

Rula

6 months 1 week ago

Hello Ray

Thanks for the feedback.
I believe you are right about behold.
I can't however think of any better alternatives for "prey"
Any suggestions are appreciated

Ray Miller

6 months 1 week ago

Words to Live By...To my Son

Hello Rula. If I'm reading your intention correctly, maybe something like "For many fall on words like prey"?

Rula

6 months 1 week ago

My intention

They find mistakes for you through what you say, that is words.
Does this make sense

Ray Miller

6 months 1 week ago

It does make sense, but not

It does make sense, but not immediately. For me, to fall on words like prey has a clearer meaning - but then I would say that!

Rula

6 months 1 week ago

I think

the reader would get my intention if he reads it more than once if s/he cares.
Even famous poetry needs to be read many times before you get the message.
Saying this, I still prefer to be crystal water clear.
Let me see what can I do with it.
Appreciate your time and the suggestion.
It means a lot.

Alex Tanner

6 months 1 week ago

Hi Rula

Try, " as many use words as poison to lay". Just a thought, Alex.

Rula

6 months 1 week ago

What if

I say
As many aim [for] words to prey
does it sound good/ understood?

Alex Tanner

6 months 1 week ago

As

I think "as prey" would make better sense. Alex

Rula

6 months 1 week ago

Thank you

Alex. That helps indeed!

Lavender

6 months 1 week ago

Words to Live By...To My Son

Hello, Rula,
Lovely Pantoum, a very hard structure. Yours has a wonderful formal feel to it, which helps take the words of caution more seriously. Endearing message to your son. I wonder, should "mums" be plural? I am familiar with "keep mum" but not so with the plural.
I'll be back to read again after your response. Well done!
Thank you, My Friend!
Lx

Rula

6 months 1 week ago

Dearest Lavender

Thank you for bringing this to my attention. I am grateful both, for your wonderful comment and the heads up!
Always appreciate it.

Lavender

6 months 1 week ago

Hello, Rula!

Most welcome! Again, wise and endearing words to your son!
Lxx

Rula

6 months 1 week ago

Thank you

My friend again!
Appreciate it!