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Jan 20, 2025
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Fog Dancers
Clouds bending
to the Earth, leaving
droplets suspended midair,
glittering footprints
glimmer for a moment.
Children, sweet and innocent,
dream in their beds
of sprites and of
fairies light afoot in
the spring fog.
The dancers are drawn
out of hiding. Tumbles,
twists, and pirouettes galore
like nothing human
eyes have ever seen.
After the sun has
burnt the fog away,
the sprites and the
fairies alike glide back
into their forest abode
and wait for the next
Invitation to dance.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
5 months ago
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Fog Dancers" creates a vivid and whimsical image of clouds, dancers, and mystical creatures. The imagery of clouds bending to the Earth and dancers performing unique movements is captivating. The contrast between the ethereal dancers and the innocence of children dreaming adds depth to the poem. The idea of sprites and fairies dancing in the spring fog is enchanting.
One suggestion for improvement would be to further develop the connection between the human world and the world of the sprites and fairies. Exploring how these two realms intersect or influence each other could add layers to the poem. Additionally, consider varying the rhythm or structure of the poem to enhance its flow and impact.
Overall, "Fog Dancers" is a charming piece that transports the reader to a magical realm. Keep exploring the themes and connections within the poem to further engage the audience.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Lavender
5 months ago
Fog Dancers
Hello, Punky,
This brought to mind the "Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy." It's graceful and spirited, and magical. You may even add a little more sparkle to it to enhance the charm.
Thank you!
L
Punkyfrewster
5 months ago
Lavender,
Thank you for your feedback. I will take it into consideration!
Geezer
5 months ago
I would...
switch the second and third sections, they seem to make more sense that way. Of course, it's not my dream, sooo...
I agree, a little more sparkle would be nice. ~ Geezer.
.
Punkyfrewster
5 months ago
Fog Dancers
I really enjoyed writing this poem, but I will look at the stanzas you suggested. Thank you for your input!
Jane A. Rug
4 months 4 weeks ago
Fog dancers
i could envision myself enshrouded with mystical raiment adript with refreshing moisture accompanied with dancing elfin grots, nymphs and sprites dissolving away as the rays of sunshine impart more heat and light.
Punkyfrewster
4 months 3 weeks ago
Jane A. Rug,
Thank you so much for your comments. I'm glad I could transport you for a bit!