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Jan 22, 2025
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2
Let the fields that cover the dust
Vanish to emptiness
Like the imprint of a bird on the sky
To unknown light again
When it receives me
The feeling of tomorrow
I could be silent walking
Peaks of the hilltop
Depths of the river
Carrying you to the source
When it receives me
The feeling of tomorrow
Bathing in promise
About This Poem
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
5 months 2 weeks ago
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "2" explores themes of transformation, impermanence, and renewal through vivid imagery of nature. The use of metaphors such as the imprint of a bird on the sky and the fields vanishing to emptiness conveys a sense of fleeting beauty and the cyclical nature of life. The repetition of the lines "When it receives me, The feeling of tomorrow" creates a sense of anticipation and introspection.
One suggestion for improvement could be to further develop the emotional depth of the poem. Consider delving deeper into the speaker's personal reflections or adding more sensory details to enhance the reader's connection to the themes presented. Additionally, experimenting with varied line lengths or stanza structures could help create a more dynamic flow to the poem.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Ray Miller
5 months 2 weeks ago
2
Enjoyed the read. You've a quirky, entertaining way of putting things.