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Jan 22, 2025
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Prime Time
in my prime
when things were fine
always being so kind
stepping up and flying
In all times keep trying
readying to shine
hosting nice buddies
having much goodies
eating munchy cookies
hanging in my studies
was that a crime?
Everytime I'm crying
plans burnt frying
why am i suffering?
stock stuttering
smelling like thyme
life's bitter like lime
hoping to aligne
while i'm still alive
penning my lyrics
silence is my rhythm
in tears dropping hymn
staring at my rhyme
and no one seems to listen
oh,some dreams remain hidden.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: A struggling life of a young talented man, that at a point got angry with himself as he isn't making it big.
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
5 months ago
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Prime Time" explores themes of nostalgia, personal growth, challenges, and unfulfilled dreams. The use of rhyme and rhythm creates a cohesive structure throughout the poem. The contrast between the speaker's past positivity and current struggles is effectively conveyed.
To enhance the impact of your poem, consider refining the imagery and metaphors used to describe the speaker's emotions and experiences. Additionally, focusing on specific details and experiences can help deepen the reader's connection to the speaker's journey.
Furthermore, consider varying the poem's pacing and structure to create a more dynamic flow. Experimenting with line breaks, stanza lengths, and punctuation can add complexity and depth to your writing.
Overall, "Prime Time" has a strong foundation with room for further development in terms of imagery, detail, and structure to amplify its emotional resonance and impact on the reader.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
5 months ago
I'm getting it...
I see the frustration. I like the short choppy lines; they make the urgency of "See me!" feel more real. The title is good, the language is equally so. The pace and rhythm are good. You could leave off the [s] on rhythm. there is enough of the sound without it. Hymn and rhythm make a good rhyme. ~ Geezer.
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Simon
5 months ago
thank you Geezer
Most times I think about maybe quitting but you keeps me going, Neopoet family keeps me going unlike here in Nigeria nobody cares about what one can do they only care about how much one has. Thank you and Neopoet family.
Chiori
3 months 2 weeks ago
I love the rhythm
Ii like the way the words flows nice one bro
Simon
2 months 3 weeks ago
welcome back
It's nice having you back to the family, I'm looking forward to read your work again . I rather learn how to fish than beg for one.