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Jan 24, 2025
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Gunk in the junk draw
Sweet Jesus what a mess,
I really must confess.
In my haste, I shoved away,
Many things for another day.
Unsewn buttons, elastic bands,
For those jobs I had planned.
Drawing pins a scattered trap,
They want to hurt me, oh cr*p.
Batteries saved, just in case,
Roll about, all over the place.
To a pool of gunk, make no mistake,
What's leaked? for goodness sake.
Further back into junks cavern,
I found the culprit of gunks tavern.
A tube of glue without its lid,
Surely I did not get rid.
Yet I gasp and groan in despair,
As I try not to pull out my hair.
Slammed that drawer of mess,
It had me beat, I must confess.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
5 months ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem uses a relatable scenario to engage the reader, which is effective. However, there are areas where the poem could be improved.
Firstly, the rhythm of the poem is inconsistent. In some lines, the rhythm is smooth and the rhymes are clear, such as "Sweet Jesus what a mess, / I really must confess." However, in other lines, the rhythm is disrupted by too many syllables or awkward phrasing, such as "To a pool of gunk, make no mistake, / What's leaked? for goodness sake." Working on the rhythm could improve the overall flow of the poem.
Secondly, the poem could benefit from more vivid and specific imagery. While the poem does describe the contents of the drawer, the descriptions are somewhat generic. For example, instead of simply stating "Unsewn buttons, elastic bands," the poem could delve into the specific color, texture, or history of these items to create a more vivid picture.
Lastly, the poem's tone is somewhat inconsistent. The poem starts off with a light, humorous tone, but towards the end, it becomes more serious and dramatic. While it's possible to effectively blend humor and drama, the transition between the two in this poem is abrupt and could be smoothed out.
In conclusion, this poem has potential, but could be improved with more consistent rhythm, more vivid imagery, and a more consistent tone.
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