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Jan 28, 2025
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First Class. To Where?
Click click clack clack
Asleep lay back
You race on through time
Over cold iron track.
Click click clack clack
As wild dreams attack
Your tortured soul
There is no going back.
Click click clack clack
Let the darkness like flack
Brighten the moon
That reflects on cold track.
Click click clack clack
As we tear up the track
Over points that divert
With no going back.
Click click clack clack
No use to look back
Your ticket was bought
At your birth way back.
Click click clack clack
Points split up the track
How you lived will decide
Which rout you’ll attract.
Click click clack clack
As you slow don’t look back
Only memories there
And they rip up the track.
Now the journey is over,
Where have you been led?
The choices you made,
Are you filled with cold dread?
For the trip of life’s ended
The platform awaits.
The exit, dark, beckons,
What lies behind gates?
About This Poem
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Rula
4 months 3 weeks ago
Sir Alex
Hello,
an enjoyable morning read. I like the running thoughts with the click clack onomatopoeia use of the train goes on it's track.
The short running lines work hand in hand too to express the poem's idea quite well.
Well done and best wishes!
Alex Tanner
4 months 3 weeks ago
I've learnt
Hi Rula. I've learnt something new, I was not familiar with the word onomatopoeia, even after all these years. Glad you enjoyed it. Alex
Lavender
4 months 3 weeks ago
First Class. To Where?
Hello, Alex,
Clever! A nice take on the contest theme. I appreciated the repetitive "click clack" as it made the words move along, much as the years of our lives. Thought-provoking ending.
Thank you!
L
Alex Tanner
4 months 3 weeks ago
Hello L
Just what I was trying to do, show how life hurtles along like an express train in words. As for the ending, so many poems show, or try to show, hope at the end. Not what I wanted to do. Alex