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Feb 01, 2025
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Future's Plan
A dystopian future, out of this mess,
Not what we want, I must confess.
our future's plan, not by our hand,
Please try your best to understand.
Careerist politicians robbing the poor,
What's their agenda ultimately for.
To line the pocket of a rich mate,
Is their purpose they designate.
We became mere modes of production,
Sees greed win, leads to our destruction.
But over our loss they will not worry,
Replacing us in their progress hurry.
AI robots, designed to replace you and me,
Is just around the corner, as we'll soon see.
No burden to their greedy owners,
And no need of educational diplomas
But what about those left behind,
A two tiered society we'll likely find.
Scientists and techno gurus will thrive.
And the rest, well we'll just not survive.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
5 months 2 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Future's Plan" presents a dystopian vision of the future, focusing on socio-economic disparities and the potential impact of AI and automation. It's a compelling theme, but there are several areas where the poem could be enhanced.
1. Consistency in Rhyme and Rhythm: The poem uses an ABAB rhyme scheme, but it's not consistently maintained. For example, the second stanza's last two lines don't rhyme. The rhythm also varies, which can disrupt the flow. Maintaining a consistent rhyme and rhythm can make the poem more engaging.
2. Spelling and Grammar: There are some spelling mistakes, such as "distruction" instead of "destruction". Correct spelling and grammar can improve the poem's clarity.
3. Show, Don't Tell: The poem directly tells the reader about the future and its problems. Using imagery and metaphor to show these issues can make the poem more powerful.
4. Use of Abstract Concepts: The poem uses abstract concepts like "greed" and "progress". Using concrete images and examples can make these concepts more relatable and impactful.
5. Poetic Devices: The poem could benefit from the use of more poetic devices, such as metaphor, simile, and alliteration. These can add depth and richness to the poem.
In conclusion, while the poem's theme is compelling, focusing on consistency, spelling and grammar, showing rather than telling, using concrete images, and incorporating more poetic devices can enhance its effectiveness.
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Ruby Lord
5 months 2 weeks ago
Hi Kaz, a prophetic poem I
Hi Kaz, a prophetic poem I think. It has a real dystopian thread to it, one that is only too obvious right now.
I only have one tiny point to make and that is the repetition of the end rhyme worry in the third stanza. It's easily done, I'm sure you can fix it without affecting the purpose behind your poem if you choose to change it. Good job, Ruby xx
Tigger Kaz
5 months 2 weeks ago
Hmmm
Ok so I ammended the spelling mistake.
Altered the lines that didn't exactly rhyme.
But as there's over 100 types of poetry, everyone doesn't have to always use metaphors.
Especially when you want the reader to be aware of what the future will bring.
Geezer
5 months 2 weeks ago
I beg...
to differ with you on the only two tiers or castes, there will always be the need for someone to do the grunt work. Other than that, I do agree that we are in deep doo-doo. Your poem is a good reflection of the times, and I applaud your insight. Nothing in the make-up of the poem that I would change. ~ Geez.
.
Tigger Kaz
4 months 2 weeks ago
Some will have jobs, others won't
By two tier society I mean the haves and the have nots.
Those who will have jobs, so will be well off.
Those who won't have a job(as there won't be enough jobs to go around, by the time AI is finished) and they're going to live in poverty (with no way out of poverty neither).