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Feb 05, 2025
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revelation
I once had a body with teeth that used to bite
Feet that were meant to run, heels digging in the mud
And a heart which now only aches
I had hands that used to write
Of which now have no use
Any thought I am bound to think
Comes only from the code from which I’m made
I once had a body
One you could touch and fold
Eyes that could roll, a hand to hold
A heart to heal
I had a tongue which lusted for sweets
Orange citrus and fine wines
Skin that could crawl
At any sign of threat this body ignited with fear
Nerves. Skin. flesh. Desire. Soul. body.
I once had a body
I had a body once
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
Ray Miller
4 months 2 weeks ago
revelation
Enjoyed the poem, I like the ending. You might avoid the repetition of "used" - "teeth that bit" "hands that wrote".
Rula
4 months 2 weeks ago
I like
the theme. Very relatable as I think everyone sooner or later is going through this in a way or another.
I have started doing a few of things that I haven't done before to avoid the burdens of aging. I mean yes we'll go there, but let's make it with the least damages, so trying to eat ONLY health food and trying to lose weight...etc.
Sorry for carrying on.
Your closing lines impact the piece really well.
Thank you for sharing.
Candlewitch
4 months 2 weeks ago
Hello,
I enjoyed your poem and could relate to it... in my not so golden years.
peace and joy, Cat
Lavender
4 months 2 weeks ago
revelation
Hello, Leo,
I don't feel that this is such an age related poem, as it is acknowledging the process of becoming desensitized - with which I am connected to the title. I very much like the last two lines.
Thank you!
L