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Feb 06, 2025
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Not As Far As I’d Like
We haven’t cycled together for years.
First he started to struggle with hills,
which once he’d get up without changing gear.
Then there were the spate of punctures and flats
he never bothered to learn how to fix.
I bought him those special Kevlar tyres,
extra hard and endurable. That were
champion until he began to complain
of pain in his knees and couldn’t come
as far as I’d like. Then he’s knocked off
his bike outside the chip shop. "This car
drove straight at me like I weren’t there.
You wouldn’t believe it." I said I would,
you know, sometimes I wonder if I am too.
He doesn’t take any notice, of course,
his head is permanently buried
in that mobility scooter catalogue.
About This Poem
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
4 months 3 weeks ago
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
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Rula
4 months 3 weeks ago
Hello Ray
I'm not a big fan of narrative, prose poetry, but I've enjoyed this one and your sense of humor at the end. I also have to say that I in general enjoy reading what others think of aging i and how it affects them. It is an inevitable period of time that we'll all go through sooner or later.
Thank you for sharing.
Juarez5656
4 months 3 weeks ago
This
was pretty good.
Ray Miller
4 months 2 weeks ago
Not As Far As I’d Like
Thanks both. I suppose the alternative to aging isn't so attractive, Rula.
Candlewitch
4 months 2 weeks ago
the alternative to aging is: Cher
in this line:
which once (he’d get up) without changing gear (I feel it is kind of clunky or awkward)
how about trading it in for: (ascended)
I like the poem. Cat
Ray Miller
4 months 2 weeks ago
Not As Far As I’d Like
Thanks, Cat. I am grateful for any suggestions and yours would be a good one, except that this poem is positively Shakespearean in its use of sexual innuendo and euphemisms. That said, I'm still trying to work out what the mobility scooter catalogue signifies.