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Feb 11, 2025
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Cupiditas Mundi xxxiv
To sexualise my soul
Cast of me a Meratrix
Future poets redeem
Me I’ll know my pleasures
Now in the realm
You’ve created
Of precious metal
And precious stone
As if it were divine
As my beauty forged
Flesh
The patterns of my
Breathing echoes
The plaintive cries
Of Andromache
And Helen twenty years
A slave
Most feared of all gods
Venus lead me home
Gaze into my husband’s
Eyes
Let him stand
As my final judge
He who loves me
In all his naivety
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
5 months 1 week ago
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
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One
5 months 1 week ago
Depth
Hi there,
I'm getting a feel that this poem is like a journey through complex themes of love, power, & self-discovery.
The emotional depth, blending myth, self-reflection, & a longing for validation creates a visual delight to the reader. The use of mythology creates a timeless feel, while the speaker’s vulnerability & inner conflict resonate strongly.
I can see it's a rough draft but actually that slightly harsh & unpolished style makes this more appealing. I don't want to read this as a perfectly sculptered piece, the balance needs to be edgy, quirky & somewhat offbeat.
Enjoyed the moment,
regards
One
Dalton
5 months 1 week ago
Hi One
Yes it’s rough and I need to work on that I’d like to retain an edge a little background the poem concerns Empress Messalina 20s/48 AD who sought to marry bigamously a nobleman Gaius Silius and usurp the Roman Emperor her husband Claudius. On discovery of her plans she was offered the decision commit suicide or be run through she was assassinated by the Praetorian Guard certain that she would be forgiven should she gain her husbands council. This did not happen she died age 28
One
5 months 1 week ago
34
I was desperately trying to work out the No.34 in this piece, but now looking at your back catalogue, you obviously number them.
I was looking for some hidden meaning when there wasn't one!!
regards
One
ps. thanks for the brief summation
Dalton
5 months 1 week ago
Hi One
Helen was the love prize of Paris prince of Troy and wife of Menelaus king of Sparta it was down to indirectly or otherwise the impetus for the Trojan war. Though the lovers were together for ten years before the outbreak of war that their affair compelled and the war was to last another ten years so they were together for 20 years far longer than she’d been with her original husband. There is a variant myth that she was to settle in Egypt with King Protius a monarch of Trojan blood having sent an image or phantom in the form of herself most beautiful of women and the face that launched a thousand ships. Also Andromache was the bride of Prince Hector greatest general of the Trojans who died at the hands of Achilles.
Dalton
5 months 1 week ago
Hi One
A meretrix is a variant term for prostitute though not as we would view a form of slavery from our contemporary perspective. They were often educated women whom due to their position could ascend to higher positions in life as gentlemen’s companions either sexual or otherwise
Dalton
5 months 1 week ago
Hi One
That’s an extremely loose brief summation