Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Feb 27, 2025
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
Raven's Call...
Sometimes I feel like the raven flying in the morning with no idea where I'm going craving for a destination .a time to rest time to eat maybe a time to think. But I have to follow the warm wind. I see a beautiful bauble that caught my eyes off in the distance. The closer I get this craving is growing stronger. Flying faster I feel my little heart vibrating my bones Feathers coming loose. twirling out of control crashing to the ground. Hurt and lost trying to shake this off . Looking up and seeing a few like me gathering around. I don't know if this is a blessing or a lesson a Raven craven a bauble.
Her cry for help is riveting,
Killer knows that tone.
She needs to find the treasure,
get down to the bone.
Flying high, soaring wide
over trees and fields,
she sails over the countryside,
looks for what it yields.
Wind beneath her outspread wings,
feathers coming loose,
She shakes and cries just a bit,
her muscles are all bruised.
Ravens all, they circle,
her heart vibrates once again.
Their kind keeps a lonely vigil,
gliding on the wind.
Raven craves her bauble,
she may have it yet.
But, for now, she flies,
trying to forget.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: Killer wonders what has brought her to the fore? He puzzles about it. Another collaboration with my son, who has great ideas.
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction: What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
4 months 1 week ago
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Raven's Call" presents a narrative of a raven's journey, which can be interpreted as a metaphor for a personal struggle or journey. The use of a raven as a symbol provides a rich ground for exploration and interpretation, given the bird's historical and cultural significance.
The poem's structure could benefit from more consistency. The first part is written in prose, while the second part follows a more traditional verse structure. This shift may be intentional, but it could be confusing to some readers. If the goal is to create a contrast or a shift in tone, it might be more effective to make this more explicit or to use other poetic devices to signal this change.
The language and imagery in the poem are evocative, with phrases like "my little heart vibrating my bones" and "feathers coming loose" effectively conveying the physical strain and struggle of the raven's journey. However, the poem could benefit from more precise and varied language. For example, the word "craving" is used multiple times, which can make the poem feel repetitive. Consider exploring synonyms or other ways to express this concept.
The poem's rhythm and rhyme scheme also vary throughout, which can disrupt the flow for the reader. The first part of the poem does not have a clear rhythm or rhyme, while the second part uses a more traditional ABAB rhyme scheme. Consistency in rhythm and rhyme can help to create a more cohesive and engaging reading experience.
Lastly, the poem's theme or message could be made clearer. The raven's journey and struggle are clear, but the significance of the bauble and what it represents could be explored more deeply. This could help to add more depth and complexity to the poem.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Ruby Lord
4 months 1 week ago
I enjoyed this poem Geezer.
I enjoyed this poem Geezer. It has great flow and the imagery enhances the rhythm.There’s a nice balance between the literal and the metaphorical. The raven’s journey is cleverly described in her desires, distractions, and the relentless search for something just out of reach. Great job, Ruby xx
Geezer
4 months 1 week ago
Thank you, Ruby...
You got it in one! It was written exactly how you say. If anyone is following this collaboration between my son and I, this is another of the things he wrote and sent to me. We opted to keep it raw and as written; we felt that it will produce a feeling of a young writer who is a personality of Killer's, that he let go of. Now, he is wondering why that part of him is back.