A Significant Mother

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem addresses a deeply personal and emotional subject, and the sincerity of the speaker's voice is clear. To further enhance the effectiveness of the piece, consider the following points:

1. **Imagery and Specificity:**
The poem uses some effective imagery (e.g., "fresh flowers," "black body bag," "private ambulance"), but there are opportunities to deepen the emotional impact by adding more specific details. For instance, describing the flowers or the card more vividly could heighten the emotional resonance.

2. **Consistency of Tone and Language:**
The poem shifts between straightforward, almost clinical language ("black body bag," "private ambulance") and more abstract, spiritual imagery ("spirit transcended," "free bird"). This contrast is potentially powerful, but consider whether the transitions between these registers could be smoother or more intentional. Clarifying the emotional or thematic purpose behind these shifts could strengthen the poem's coherence.

3. **Rhythm and Flow:**
The poem currently has an uneven rhythm. While free verse does not require strict meter, consider reading the poem aloud to identify lines or phrases that disrupt the flow unintentionally. For example, the second stanza's abrupt shift from "queen" to the stark image of the "black body bag" is effective but might benefit from slight restructuring to enhance readability and emotional impact.

4. **Clichés and Familiar Expressions:**
Some phrases, such as "god’s waiting room," "free bird," and "we’ll meet again," are familiar or commonly used expressions. Consider whether these phrases fully capture the unique emotional experience being conveyed. Replacing them with more original or personally meaningful language could make the poem more distinctive and resonant.

5. **Emotional Distance and Intimacy:**
The poem maintains a certain emotional distance, especially in the middle stanzas. Reflect on whether this distance is intentional. If the goal is to evoke stronger emotional intimacy, consider exploring more personal memories or specific details about the mother’s life or the speaker’s relationship with her.

By addressing these points, the poem could achieve greater emotional depth, clarity, and originality.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

that you have presented the absolute numb feeling that one feels with the loss of a parent, especially a mom.
There is no need to bring out the flowery words and more consistent meter, this is free form, and I thought very representative
of my emotions when I lost my mom. ~ Geezer.
.

Hello, Sen,
My condolences. The stillness here speaks so clearly with reverence and love. A beautiful tribute, and a true sense of loss. I agree with Geezer - very much how I felt when I lost my own Significant Mother, too.
Thank you,
L