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Mar 02, 2025
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Of Heart And Home
There's an old mosu tree
In front of my mother's house
It must be shedding its leaves
Right about now
In the evenings I close my eyes
And I can almost hear her singing
As she rakes the dry leaves
She'd mumble to herself once in a while
About how she hates the damn tree
Hates its leaves that leave the yard dirty
But for as long as I can remember
The tree has stood right there
In front of her house
And every fall it sheds its leaves
On the evenings she picks up her rake
She sings a song from her childhood
As she gathers the dry leaves up
And for just a moment there
It seems that in her world
Everything is in place
There's an old mosu tree
In front of my mother's house
And that song from her childhood
That she sings as she rakes its leaves
Is now a song from mine
A. SWANTALALA
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
3 months 3 weeks ago
Neopoet AI - version 2.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Of Heart And Home" beautifully captures the nostalgia and connection between the speaker, their mother, and the old mosu tree. The imagery of the tree shedding its leaves and the mother singing while raking them creates a vivid and emotional scene. The repetition of the tree and the song from childhood emphasizes the passage of time and the continuity of memories.
One suggestion for improvement could be to explore more sensory details to enhance the reader's experience. Descriptions of the sights, sounds, smells, and textures surrounding the tree and the mother's actions could further immerse the reader in the moment. Additionally, considering varying the structure or rhythm of the poem could add depth and complexity to the overall piece. This could involve experimenting with line breaks, stanza lengths, or poetic devices to create a more dynamic flow.
Overall, the poem effectively conveys a sense of longing, memory, and the enduring bond between generations. Expanding on sensory details and experimenting with structure could further enhance the emotional impact of
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Alex Tanner
3 months 3 weeks ago
Love it
I can almost see and hear your mother, very descriptive piece. Alex
Trail
3 months 3 weeks ago
Alex
Was dealing with a bit of homesickness. Thanks for the love