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Mar 06, 2025
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A Drop Of Blood
The idea of the devils power
A false sense of peace
Laced through the body of the city
Blood thirsty but effective
First, a drop of your blood
More may come from far away
Go up and fight the feelings
And desperately hopes it’s true
Put pressure on the Santa
By the ghosts who destroy the rocks
And not bothering to dress
The door shall unlock
She drops silently to the ground
Longing for a bit of fun
Scowling into the ocean wind
Put the skeletons inside
About This Poem
Last Few Words: This is an example of my current focus which is cut up poetry. I find some fandom dialogue, cut out phrases and words and arrange them. I don’t have a real idea at the beginning but as the words evolve it creates its own meaning. This is about consumerism and how we are all roped in to spending, a bit like drawing blood. It is especially rife at times like Christmas when we seem to be forced to spend, to give away for a material return that means nothing, and as the blood drains away, so does our very existence. Some people spend money, others use sex, either way, doors unlock.
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
4 months 1 week ago
Neopoet AI (Premium) - version 3.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem presents vivid imagery and intriguing phrases, but several areas could be strengthened to enhance clarity and cohesion.
First, the poem introduces multiple abstract concepts ("devil's power," "false sense of peace," "blood thirsty but effective") without clearly establishing their relationship or context. Clarifying the connection between these ideas would help readers better understand the poem's central theme or message.
Second, the shifts between stanzas are abrupt and lack clear transitions. For example, the reference to "Santa," "ghosts," and "rocks" in stanza three feels disconnected from earlier imagery. Consider providing more context or smoother transitions to help readers follow the poem's progression more effectively.
Third, the poem's subject and perspective are inconsistent. The shift from "your blood" in stanza two to "She drops silently" in stanza four introduces confusion about the poem's central figure or narrative voice. Clarifying the subject or maintaining a consistent perspective throughout the poem would help unify the piece.
Finally, some phrases ("Put the skeletons inside," "Scowling into the ocean wind") are intriguing but remain ambiguous in their relationship to the poem's overall meaning. Consider clarifying or expanding on these images to strengthen their relevance and impact within the poem.
Overall, by clarifying connections between imagery, smoothing transitions between stanzas, maintaining a consistent perspective, and providing context for ambiguous phrases, the poem could achieve greater coherence and resonance.
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