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Mar 14, 2025
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HEAVEN
When morning gilds the sky.
until the truth all vanishes.
Cover thinly with Gold.
Our Lord appears with radiance.
Gilded and painted statues from Bruges.
They gild the facts
Until all the truth be vanished.
To adorn something that is a beautiful
And perfect treasure.
As Our Lord in Heaven will appear.
To judge us all as we measure⁴
Up for the consequences we must
answer to our reward either good or evil
all that is covered with Gold or silver.
About This Poem
Last Few Words: I feel I needed to add more depth to my poem.
Review Request Direction:
How does this theme appeal to you?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
3 months 3 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (Premium) - version 3.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem explores themes of truth, superficiality, and moral judgment through the repeated imagery of gilding and gold. To strengthen the poem, consider clarifying the connection between the gilding metaphor and the moral or spiritual message. Currently, the transition between physical imagery ("gilded statues," "cover thinly with gold") and spiritual judgment ("Our Lord appears," "consequences we must answer") feels abrupt and somewhat unclear.
Additionally, the poem would benefit from more consistent structure and rhythm. The varying line lengths and irregular punctuation disrupt the flow, making it harder for readers to grasp the intended emphasis. Consider revising the poem to establish a clearer rhythm or pattern, which would enhance readability and thematic coherence.
Finally, the last stanza introduces the idea of judgment and reward ("good or evil") but does not clearly tie back to the earlier imagery of gilding. Clarifying how superficial adornment relates directly to moral judgment would help unify the poem's message and make the conclusion more impactful.
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