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Mar 15, 2025
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Exile
I lace up my boots
Dagger at my thigh
I'll fight this battle
Without asking why
Notch the arrow
Send it to the heart
Let it pierce my soul
Broken from the start
I fight like a knight
Wear my armor true
I'll battle my fears
That nobody knew
Cuts stung by Betrayal
A crack in the shield
And suddenly, I'm the
Monster everyone willed
If I am so horrible
Why do I try so hard?
Why can't I feel things
Without pulling the victim card?
I see right through me
They see my devious grin
My eyes are steady, strong
My control paper-thin
How can I be the soldier
The savior of the undefiled
And when I battle for me,
Be so swiftly exiled?
About This Poem
Style/Type: Structured: Western
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - draft
Comments
neopoet
3 months 1 week ago
Neopoet AI - version 2.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
Your poem "Exile" effectively captures the internal conflict and struggle with self-identity. The imagery of a warrior fighting battles both external and internal is powerful and evocative. The juxtaposition of strength and vulnerability adds depth to the portrayal of the speaker's inner turmoil. The use of symbols like armor, dagger, and shield enhances the theme of protection and defense.
One suggestion for improvement would be to consider varying the rhythm and meter in certain stanzas to create more dynamic flow throughout the poem. This can help maintain the reader's engagement and add a sense of musicality to the piece. Additionally, you may want to explore different poetic devices such as metaphor or symbolism to further enrich the layers of meaning in your work.
Overall, "Exile" is a poignant exploration of identity, resilience, and the struggle for self-acceptance. Keep refining your craft and experimenting with different techniques to enhance the emotional impact of your poetry.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
3 months 1 week ago
You are too late...
for this week's contest, but please enter this in the coming week's.
Thank you, Geezer
.