My Last Meal

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem attempts a juxtaposition between the gravity of a condemned person's last meal and the triviality of choosing a "Happy Meal," which is an interesting conceptual choice. However, the execution could be improved in several areas:

1. **Tone and Consistency:**
The poem begins with a somber, reflective tone, suggesting deep regret and seriousness. The sudden reveal of the "Happy Meal" at the end introduces humor or irony, but the shift is abrupt and undermines the seriousness established earlier. Consider whether the intention is satire, irony, or dark humor, and ensure the tone is consistent throughout to strengthen the poem's overall impact.

2. **Imagery and Detail:**
The poem uses abstract language ("distress," "shame," "rot") without concrete imagery or sensory detail. Introducing more vivid and specific imagery—perhaps describing the meal, the setting, or the speaker's emotional state in more tangible terms—would help readers connect emotionally and visually with the poem.

3. **Rhyme and Rhythm:**
The rhyme scheme is straightforward couplets, but at times it feels forced or predictable ("meal/heal," "distress/confess," "free/spree"). Consider varying the rhyme scheme or using slant rhymes to create more subtlety and complexity. Additionally, the rhythm is inconsistent in places, particularly in the longer lines (e.g., "Each bite that I carefully planned I find so terribly bland"). Tightening the meter or rhythm would improve readability and musicality.

4. **Clarity of Theme:**
The poem hints at deeper themes—guilt, regret, mortality—but the humorous twist at the end dilutes the seriousness without clearly establishing a satirical or thematic purpose. Clarifying the intended message or emotional resonance would provide readers with a stronger sense of purpose and direction.

Overall, revising for tonal consistency, richer imagery, improved rhythm, and clearer thematic intent would significantly enhance the poem's effectiveness.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

You have done an excellent job of describing a dour tasteless meal. While you reflect on your crimes of murder and mayhem, in the eleventh hour... it is very effective. Very nicely done!

fondly, Cat

I sense some complicated thoughts here. I agree that you should try different methods and letting the mind go free. This is a good start; now pare it down, make the meter match and this is good to go! ~ Geez.
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keep saying it out loud, you use different muscles for real breath and speaking. ~ Geez.
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Interesting piece. I don't know if I have read it after you have made changes but I would leave it as it is. Bleak and to the point. Alex.