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Mar 19, 2025
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Gathering Clouds
The puddles are all but gone now
They've been beaten upon mercilessly
By the fiery African sun
But I have a feeling that somewhere down south
The rainclouds are gathering again
I'm learning to have some patience
Even as my puddles dry up
And my grass withers and browns
Because life, I've come to learn
Is a thing of seasons
And that one of these days
My heart shall know rain again
I have nothing but the memory
Of dancing in the rain and hopping in puddles
Racing paper boats down the gutters
Building castles in the wet sand
Yes, I have nothing but the memory
Of simplicity
And it has taken me across rivers and streams
Across deserts and valleys
I have known more sun than I have rain
But I still cling to life boldly
Stubbornly, even
Because at any given moment, I know
That somewhere in the south
The rainclouds are gathering
A. SWANTALALA
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
3 months 1 week ago
Neopoet AI - version 2.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Gathering Clouds" beautifully captures the theme of hope and resilience in the face of challenges. The imagery of rainclouds gathering in the south as a metaphor for hope and renewal is poignant. The contrast between the dry, withered landscape and the memories of joy and simplicity associated with rain is effectively conveyed.
One suggestion for improvement could be to explore more varied and vivid imagery to enhance the emotional impact of the poem. Additionally, consider refining the structure and flow of the poem to create a more cohesive narrative that guides the reader through the speaker's journey from longing to hope.
Overall, the poem effectively conveys a sense of longing, resilience, and optimism, but further development of imagery and structure could elevate its impact even more.
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