Henry

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem thoughtfully explores themes of aging, resilience, and acceptance. The use of imagery—such as "crow's feet have become crevasses" and "tilled dark earth and early buds"—effectively grounds the reader in tangible, relatable experiences. The juxtaposition of physical decline with the persistence of spirit and humor is clear and engaging.

However, there are areas that could benefit from revision. First, the rhythm and line length vary significantly, which at times disrupts the poem's flow. Consider standardizing line lengths or intentionally structuring line breaks to enhance readability and pacing.

Second, certain phrases, such as "hale and hearty," "gray old death-dodging codger," or "sorrows and slings," border on cliché or overly familiar expressions. Replacing these with fresher, more original language could strengthen the poem's emotional impact and authenticity.

Additionally, the poem briefly touches upon the loss of "sensual pleasure" and the fading of senses ("Eagle eyes clouded, sensations shrouded"), yet quickly moves on without deeper exploration. Expanding on this aspect could add complexity and emotional depth, allowing readers to connect more fully with the character's internal experience.

Finally, the concluding Shakespearean reference ("the play's the thing") is intriguing but feels somewhat abrupt. Clarifying or expanding upon this metaphor earlier in the poem could help integrate it more smoothly into the overall thematic structure.

Overall, the poem has potential, and careful attention to rhythm, originality of language, and thematic depth could significantly enhance its effectiveness.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

I agree with most of what the A.I. says, I also got the message of the poem. I too, am in those stages of age. I have "Terminal
Peter Pan Syndrome", which tends to bother me the most when my physical limitations appear. I think the A.I. goes too far
in saying that your phrases "bordering on the cliche` are not strong enough. Many times, a cliche` or "familiar saying", brings a depth not incurred with something less familiar. Other than that, I will agree with the A.I. ~ Geezer.
.

Being an oldster, too, I agree with the sentiments of this piece! I enjoyed the read. My favorite lines are:

Don't feel sorry for this gray old death-dodging codger
he still does what he will
no matter if time has had its way

( the death-dodging-codger line really made me laugh, as it is so true!)

always, Cat