I'm Broken

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem explores intense emotional pain through vivid imagery and stark metaphors. The choice of language effectively conveys a raw emotional state. However, there are several areas where the poem could be strengthened:

1. **Imagery and Metaphor:**
While the imagery is powerful ("shards of glass," "razor blades," "cloak of madness"), consider varying the metaphors beyond physical pain and violence. Introducing more nuanced or abstract imagery could add depth and complexity to the emotional landscape.

2. **Consistency and Clarity:**
The line "This time it's for real, but I digress" feels somewhat disconnected from the rest of the poem. The phrase "but I digress" implies a shift or distraction, which undermines the intensity and immediacy of the preceding imagery. Clarifying or reconsidering this line could help maintain the poem's emotional coherence.

3. **Structure and Rhythm:**
The rhythm and pacing could be refined. For instance, the third stanza ("Cut the wounds from my body, paint the walls with my blood") is dramatic, yet its abruptness contrasts sharply with the preceding stanzas. Consider smoothing transitions between stanzas or lines to enhance the poem's flow and reinforce emotional resonance.

4. **Language and Word Choice:**
Some phrases ("eating the soul," "cloak of madness") border on cliché. Re-examining these phrases and choosing fresher, more original expressions would strengthen the poem's impact.

5. **Emotional Depth and Development:**
Currently, the poem primarily conveys intense despair without much progression or development. Consider exploring a subtle shift or progression in the emotional state or perspective within the poem. This could add layers of complexity and invite deeper reader engagement.

Overall, the poem has potential, but would benefit from greater clarity, more varied imagery, and careful attention to emotional progression and originality in language.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

I hope this poem is not a reflection of what you are feeling right now. I can really relate to the essence of this story, believe me, I have been there! I am glad you have made a hard copy of your feelings, it usually helps to purge... my favorite line is:

a cloak of madness strangling from within.

much love, Cat

Hi Rose, your imagery is raw and desperate, and your voice doesn’t flinch; shards of glass, razor blades, paint the walls with my blood, these lines carry weight. I can hear the despair thudding through the poem, but also the defiance, the need to say it, no matter how painful. That need gives the poem its shape, its strange cohesion. The rhythm stumbles in places, but that feels honest, like the chaos is leading, and you’re trying to keep hold. You’ve shown us where you are, not where you think you ought to be. That takes guts. This one isn’t for rushing. It asks to be read slowly, word by word, bruise by bruise. Keep writing. You're still in the fight. Take care, Ruby xx

Loved your poem, although i hope such deep feelings do not reflect your actual feelings!
Poetry is what you feel and how you feel it.real or imagined.

Hello, Carrie,
"...paint the walls with my blood." Such a statement of submission, yet strong defiance, too. It feels like something is about to change, that enough is enough. I sense one last line is needed. Something similar to, "Kiss off." Just my interpretation...
Thank you!
Lx