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Apr 10, 2025
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Time Stood Still
Time stops
We watch in fear
Praying for some movement
Heart beats so fast eyes filled with tears
Silence
About This Poem
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
2 months 2 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (Premium) - version 3.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem effectively uses brevity and simplicity to convey an emotionally charged moment. The concise lines help create a sense of urgency and tension, aligning well with the theme of halted time. However, there are opportunities for further development:
1. Consider expanding imagery or sensory details to deepen the reader's emotional connection. For instance, describing the surroundings or specific physical sensations could enhance the intensity of the moment.
2. The phrase "heart beats so fast eyes filled with tears" is clear but somewhat familiar. Exploring a more original or nuanced way to express this physical response could strengthen the poem's emotional impact.
3. The final word "Silence" is powerful in its abruptness, effectively mirroring the poem's theme. Still, consider whether adding an additional line or two could provide a stronger sense of closure or insight into the significance of this silence.
Overall, the poem captures a compelling emotional snapshot but could benefit from more distinctive imagery and thoughtful elaboration to increase its depth and resonance.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
RoseBlack
2 months 2 weeks ago
This is powerful
So many different scenarios played in my mind while reading this. Most vivid waa being bedside with someone, hoping to see signs of life. That moment when time stops and everyone holds their breath. Well done.
Clentin
2 months 2 weeks ago
You feeling are so real. I
You feeling are so real. I have experienced this feeling. Time really seemed to stop- for me!
Thank you for comments and for reading my poems. I appreciate it very much!
Candlewitch
2 months 2 weeks ago
WOW!
I have felt what you perfectly describe!
fondly, Cat
Clentin
2 months 2 weeks ago
Thank you Cat. I am sure we
Thank you Cat. I am sure we have all had this feeling in our lives. Thanks for comments and reading!