When Time Stood Still

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem effectively captures a vivid moment of transition from carefree joy to sudden crisis. The contrast between the leisurely picnic and the abrupt accident is stark and compelling. However, there are opportunities to deepen the emotional resonance and clarity of the piece.

First, consider expanding the initial imagery of the graveyard picnic. The juxtaposition of laughter and relaxation in a graveyard is intriguing but underdeveloped. Clarifying or emphasizing the symbolic significance of this setting could enhance thematic depth.

Second, the poem's pacing could be refined to better reflect the shift from casual enjoyment to sudden danger. Currently, the transition from picnic to accident feels somewhat rushed. Slowing down the narrative slightly, perhaps by adding sensory details or internal reflections, could heighten the tension and emotional impact.

Additionally, the phrase "Time seemed to stop" is somewhat predictable. Consider using more original or sensory-driven language to convey the slowing of perception and heightened awareness in the moment before impact.

Finally, the ending ("broadside they hit...") is abrupt, which may be intentional. However, the poem might benefit from a clearer sense of aftermath or emotional consequence. Even a subtle hint of the speaker’s emotional response or reflection could provide a more satisfying conclusion.

Overall, the poem has strong narrative potential, and with careful attention to pacing, imagery, and emotional depth, it could achieve greater impact.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

How I know that feeling, just before the collision! How a mere distraction can change everything in an instant. You really took the reader there as the story built up from a fun, carefree day to what sounds like a serious crash. So glad you came out of it ok and are here with us.

Hi Cat, I liked your poem and the way you wrote it. The short clipped sentences spurs the reader onward, as if time's running out until we get to the conclusion, where time stops and I think the way you left it, hanging with your ellipses was well thought through.
It's fast, and the ending is left open to the reader, but I cheated and read your notes. You were very lucky. Take care, Ruby xx

the sudden swerve from carefree day to in the middle of an accident. Unexpected, just like the accident. I kind of would like to hear what made you have a picnic in the cemetery, [ I suspect, quiet, no one else around atmosphere]. I would suggest that you get rid of the word [streaking and use the color of the car instead. Just thinking... ~ Geez.
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Hello, Cat,
These things stay with us forever, and your poem makes it all fresh again. So glad you are here to write about it.
Thank you,
Lx

Such moments, as you describe, stay with us forever. For those few, brief milliseconds, little details stand out that we would normally never notice and the time seems to stretch out forever. Thinking about it, you start to wonder: What are the perceptions of people in those brief seconds when they see their own death approach?

This poem, in the last few lines, captures at least a glimmer, if not more, of what it is like, though I'm not sure those feelings and perceptions can adequately be put into words.

I've heard about the aftermath of this particular incident and am so grateful that you survived it.