Bridge of Lies

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem explores themes of betrayal, despair, and emotional entrapment using vivid imagery and metaphor. The concept of the "bridge of lies" is strong and provides a clear symbolic framework for the poem. However, there are several areas where the poem could benefit from further development and refinement:

1. **Imagery and Metaphor Clarity:**
The poem employs vivid imagery ("stagnant waters," "charred hearts," "cinders"), which effectively conveys emotional turmoil. However, the imagery occasionally becomes mixed or overly dense, making it challenging to fully grasp the intended meaning. For example, the line "choking on the cinders, grinding their gears" combines two distinct metaphors (fire imagery and mechanical imagery) without clearly connecting them. Consider clarifying or simplifying metaphors to maintain coherence.

2. **Language and Word Choice:**
Some phrases, such as "pollute the air," "clouding charred hearts," and "tainted touch upon worthless words," border on cliché or familiar expressions. Consider revising these lines to introduce fresher, more original language that can better capture the reader's attention and convey emotional depth.

3. **Consistency in Perspective:**
The poem shifts between general descriptions ("whispers of woe," "voices cry") and direct address ("you can't hear them," "you can't turn around"). Clarifying the intended perspective or maintaining consistency could help strengthen the poem’s emotional impact and narrative coherence.

4. **Rhythm and Flow:**
The rhythm is somewhat uneven, particularly noticeable in lines like "Lifeless, left to weep, as another dream dies." Consider revising line length, syllable count, or punctuation to improve the poem’s overall rhythm and readability.

5. **Development and Resolution:**
The poem effectively establishes a sense of entrapment and emotional struggle, but it ends abruptly without offering further development or resolution. Consider expanding the poem slightly to explore the consequences or implications of being trapped on the "bridge of lies," or to provide a more nuanced emotional or narrative conclusion.

Overall, the poem has a compelling central metaphor and emotional intensity, but would benefit from clearer imagery, more original language, consistent perspective, improved rhythm, and a more developed conclusion.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Hi Rose, great poem, dark, atmospheric and Gothic.
This line; Tainted touch upon worthless words, has great internal rhythm, I was very impressed. Your first line drew me in quickly with stagnant waters; I felt the decay.
There's a typo in the final line, a full stop after now.
Good job, Ruby xx

I see that someone's muse of misery has returned. I guess one experience being a thousand words... there are many more to put down. Funny, [maybe ha ha...] but certainly strange, is the fact that some of the world's best and brightest, have had dark
sides to them. Why don't we hide a few bodies or something together? Might be fun. ~ Geez.
.

I have to log off until tomorrow. I will return the, to give this poem the serious attention it deserves!

very fondly, Cat

Great poem Rose. Misery in thought, dreams often becomes a reality. I really liked the first stanza, especially the last two lines:

The voices cry, but you can't hear them,
while crossing the bridge of lies.

This piece, stirs my creative juices... I am so glad I came back for another read through! My favorite lines are:

"Across the stagnant waters,
whispers of woe, wallow in the waves."

I can see this scene in my mind and hear the waves crashing! I really like thinking that there is a bridge crossing over to a land of lies! I remember waiting in the darkness for a "Him" to come and hit me with his newest fabrication!

Great imagery tells the story making it live! fondly, Cat

I look forward to your co-write with Geezer!

>{^*;*^}< Cat