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Apr 10, 2025
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Whisper's of regret
In the shadows of my unfinished life,
Regrets whisper secrets, a haunting strife.
Unhealed wounds still seep, a slow decay,
As heartbreak heavy chains bind me to stay.
In my perceived "enlightened" mind, there, seek dark things still,
My eyes imitate a waterfall of tears not seen by many,
A heavy cross I must carry deep into the depths of my unknown path,
Leaving no footprints behind, only tears that wept the dry ground.
In the silence, my shadows conspire,
A whispered truth that I'm not yet whole.
The ghosts of my past linger, a mournful sigh,
As I wander, lost, through the twilight of my mind.
Pessimistic thoughts shed me off of my optimistic skin,
A metamorphical snake that walks amongst humans that slither,
By the waters, where reflection scares even the fearless,
I should be admiring my silhouette deep within,
Instead I'm obstructed by my mind that's gradually withering.
A cold, brutal way of leading a wise man to his inevitable death,
I ponder of the last words I will utter as before I take my last breath.
I'm entrapped in a maze full of mirrors, ironic how I'm lost in my own gaze,
Feeling like a Gemini as my reflection reflects other reflections that lead to no escape from my own maze.
In this maze of mirrors, I'm surrounded by myself and I,
Facing mirrors that mirror my miseries,
Something I've been battling for centuries."
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - polished draft
Comments
neopoet
2 months 2 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (Premium) - version 3.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem explores introspective themes of regret, inner turmoil, and self-reflection, employing vivid imagery and metaphor. However, several areas could benefit from revision to enhance clarity, coherence, and emotional impact:
1. **Imagery and Metaphor Consistency:**
The poem introduces multiple metaphors (chains, waterfalls, crosses, snakes, mirrors, mazes) that, while individually evocative, become overwhelming when combined. Consider streamlining these metaphors or selecting fewer, more interconnected images to maintain thematic coherence and emotional resonance.
2. **Language and Word Choice:**
Some phrasing feels overly complicated or unclear, detracting from the poem’s emotional immediacy. For example, lines like "A metamorphical snake that walks amongst humans that slither" feel awkward and confusing. Clarifying or simplifying such lines would improve readability and strengthen the poem’s impact.
3. **Grammar and Syntax:**
There are grammatical and syntactical issues that disrupt the flow, such as "Whisper's of regret" (should be "Whispers of Regret") and "Pessimistic thoughts shed me off of my optimistic skin," which could be phrased more clearly. Careful proofreading and editing would help maintain the reader’s immersion in the poem.
4. **Tone and Emotional Depth:**
The poem attempts to convey deep emotional struggle, but the frequent shifts in metaphor and imagery dilute the emotional depth. Focusing closely on fewer, more carefully developed emotional images or metaphors could help the reader better connect with the speaker’s internal conflict.
5. **Structure and Rhythm:**
The poem’s structure feels somewhat inconsistent. The varying line lengths and rhythms sometimes enhance the sense of emotional turmoil, but at other times they create confusion. Consider establishing a clearer structural pattern or rhythm to guide the reader more effectively through the poem’s emotional landscape.
Addressing these points through revision would strengthen the poem’s clarity, emotional resonance, and overall effectiveness.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Lavender
2 months 2 weeks ago
Whispers of Regret
A very intriguing title - something as light as a whisper bearing so much heaviness and weight. Free verse with a touch of mesmerizing rhyme - a nice touch.
"A cold, brutal way...." This stanza is particularly deep in thought. Lots to think over within your poem. I wonder about the final line and would love to know - who is speaking? Certainly not mortal man...
Thank you for this!
L