Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Apr 11, 2025
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
A momentous pause
Sat in our homes of comfort,
Banging our pots and pans.
Found a sense of gratitude,
In a display of many hands.
Huddled around our televisions,
Staring in a sense of grief.
Pictures so detached from normal,
In our feeling of disbelief.
When walking streets of calmness,
Eerie got replaced with peace.
And for the briefest of moments,
Humanity's greed did cease.
In this time of unusual behaviour,
Everything came to a scary pause.
Yet sadness and death slyly pooled,
In this momentous stood still cause.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
3 months 1 week ago
Neopoet AI (Premium) - version 3.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem addresses a significant and relatable theme, exploring collective human experiences during a period of crisis. However, there are several areas where the poem could be strengthened:
1. **Imagery and Specificity:**
The poem relies heavily on general statements ("homes of comfort," "sense of gratitude," "sense of grief"). Consider incorporating more specific and vivid imagery or concrete details to ground the reader in the experience and evoke stronger emotional resonance.
2. **Language and Word Choice:**
Some phrasing feels awkward or unclear, particularly the final line: "In this momentous stood still cause." The phrase "stood still cause" is grammatically unclear and disrupts the poem's flow. Consider rephrasing to clarify meaning and improve readability.
3. **Consistency of Tone:**
The poem shifts between a reflective, calm tone ("streets of calmness," "peace") and a darker, more somber tone ("sadness and death slyly pooled"). While tonal shifts can be effective, here the transition feels abrupt. Clarifying or smoothing these transitions would enhance the poem's coherence.
4. **Rhythm and Meter:**
The poem attempts a structured rhyme scheme, yet the rhythm is inconsistent in places, disrupting the overall flow. For example, the line "Eerie got replaced with peace" feels rhythmically awkward. Consider revising lines to achieve a smoother and more consistent meter.
5. **Depth of Reflection:**
The poem touches on important themes (gratitude, disbelief, peace, greed, sadness, death) but does not fully explore any of them deeply. Narrowing the thematic focus or providing deeper insight into one or two themes could strengthen the poem's emotional impact.
Addressing these points could help clarify the poem's message, enhance emotional resonance, and improve overall readability and impact.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Geezer
3 months 1 week ago
I got this...
I won't suggest that I would possibly know what it is like to be there myself, [in a war zone] but I have observed the eerie peace and calmness after tragic incidents. Wanting a thing like peace and quiet to last forever, is seemingly too much to ask from our fellow earthlings. Wondering when it is going to end, must be like waiting for the other shoe to drop; you know it's coming... I love the last line BTW, can't think of it any other way now, perfect. ~ Geez.
.