Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Apr 13, 2025
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
Map of scars
Every line it tells a tale,
Sunny days that turn to grey.
From laughter to dismay.
And many crevices hide a truth,
Trauma bonds that won't let go,
Yet one may never know.
By how a smile may well disguise,
The map that they were sold,
On their road to getting old.
For such lines may well be wonky,
On their path that isn't straight,
Yet those scars define their fate.
About This Poem
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft
Comments
neopoet
3 months 1 week ago
Neopoet AI (Premium) - version 3.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem explores the metaphor of scars as a map, effectively connecting physical imagery with emotional experiences. The progression from sunny days to grey provides a clear emotional trajectory, but consider adding more specific imagery or concrete examples to deepen the reader's connection to these emotional shifts.
The phrase "trauma bonds" is intriguing but somewhat abstract. Clarifying or expanding upon this concept with more specific language or imagery could strengthen its impact and resonance.
The stanza about smiling as a disguise effectively conveys hidden struggles. However, the line "the map that they were sold" is somewhat ambiguous. Clarifying who sold the map or what exactly this metaphor represents could enhance the poem's clarity and thematic depth.
The final stanza effectively ties scars to fate, but the word "wonky" feels slightly informal compared to the rest of the poem's tone. Consider a more consistent word choice to maintain the poem's overall mood and tone.
Overall, the poem would benefit from more precise imagery and clearer metaphors to enhance emotional resonance and thematic coherence.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact