Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Apr 14, 2025
⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)
Echoes of Ecstasy
Softly she whispers a vision too vivid,
Her hand is gently placed on my left cheek, as I kiss her luscious lips,
Her kiss is a sweet melody that hushes the loud noise in my head,
Her voice causes a lovely rush.
Her hair falls like silk, a scenic that must be captured with every blink,
As the music swirls, I'm making her toes curl, a real romantic delight.
The keys coming from the piano, compliment her sweet serenade moans,
When she takes off her clothes, her beauty is displayed.
As I hold her close, the melody unfolds,
A symphony of love, our hearts beating as one.
The piano's voice conceals our love making secret for insatiable ears.
Her touch is a sonata, a symphony of desire,
A gentle breeze that rustles the leaves of my heart's fire.
Her lips, a rosebud's promise, unfolding like a flower,
Inviting me to drink from the nectar of her love's sweet hour.
Her eyes, two sapphires shining bright and blue,
Reflecting the depths of our passion, a love forever true.
Her hair, a cascade of silk, a golden waterfall's gentle flow,
Enveloping me in its softness, as our love forever grows.
The piano's melody whispers secrets in my ear,
Of a love so pure, so strong, it casts out all fear.
With every note, our hearts beat as one,
In perfect harmony, our love has just begun.
As we dance beneath the stars, our love will forever be maintained,
Our footsteps weave a tapestry, a love story that'll forever be a fairytale.
In this moment, time stands still,
As her voice becomes the only melody that leaves me fulfilled.
About This Poem
Style/Type: Free verse
Review Request Direction:
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing Stage: Not actively editing
Comments
neopoet
2 months 2 weeks ago
Neopoet AI (Premium) - version 3.0
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem demonstrates a clear intention to convey romantic passion through vivid imagery and musical metaphors. However, there are several areas where refinement could strengthen the overall impact:
1. **Imagery and Originality:**
The poem frequently relies on common romantic imagery ("silk hair," "sapphire eyes," "rosebud lips," "golden waterfall"), which risks feeling overly familiar or cliché. Consider exploring more unique or unexpected comparisons to deepen the reader's engagement and convey emotional authenticity.
2. **Consistency of Metaphor:**
The musical metaphor ("melody," "symphony," "sonata," "piano") is central to the poem's structure. While this choice is effective in creating coherence, the metaphor sometimes becomes repetitive or overly generalized. It would be beneficial to vary the musical references more specifically or subtly, perhaps by focusing on particular musical elements (tempo, rhythm, crescendo) to reflect emotional nuances rather than repeating broad terms.
3. **Language and Word Choice:**
Certain phrases ("making her toes curl," "insatiable ears," "her beauty is displayed") could benefit from more nuanced phrasing. These expressions currently feel somewhat blunt or overly direct, detracting from the poem's otherwise lyrical tone. Consider rephrasing these moments to maintain the poem’s romantic elegance and subtlety.
4. **Structure and Flow:**
The poem's structure is somewhat loose, with varying line lengths and rhythms. While free verse allows flexibility, more intentional attention to pacing and line breaks could enhance the musicality and emotional resonance. Experimenting with line length, stanza breaks, or internal rhyme could help create a more compelling rhythm that mirrors the musical theme.
5. **Emotional Depth and Development:**
The poem primarily emphasizes sensory and physical descriptions, which effectively convey passion. However, deeper emotional or psychological exploration could enrich the poem, providing a more layered understanding of the relationship or the speaker’s internal experience beyond surface-level attraction.
By addressing these points—particularly by refining imagery, varying musical metaphors, improving word choice, enhancing structural rhythm, and deepening emotional complexity—the poem can achieve greater originality, emotional resonance, and artistic depth.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact