Neopoet Weekly 04/13/25 to 04/19/25 🏆 Winner

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Teen Angel

She sat on the curb, where shadows creep,
A warm evening held the world in sleep.
Clear skies above, a starlit scene,
Each distant spark, so bright and keen.

She wished for wings, an angel's grace,
To guide her soul from this dark place.
Her only love, now lost and gone,
A car's cruel fate, at break of dawn,
Right on that spot, the pain took hold,
A story tragically untold.

She wept alone, her heart in pain,
Drew a cross on the pole, in tearful rain.
"Your angel," she signed, a whispered plea,
For solace there, for all to see.

About This Poem

Review Request Intensity: I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Editing Stage: Editing - rough draft

About the Author

Region, Country: USA the bay state, United Kingdom, Australia, South Africa, Nigeria, Canada, Europe, USA

Favorite Poets: Dylon, George Harrison, Leonard Cohen, Jess, Rett, Black Mountain Gang

This user supports Neopoet so it can be free to all

Comments

RoseBlack

2 months 1 week ago

Very sad

Such a tragic story of lost love. Good use of language. It made the reader feel the character's heartbreak and grief.

Candlewitch

2 months 1 week ago

Dear Mark,

as our Rose Black says, a tragic story, well told. I love the way you musically weave the words together! it is nice to see you posting again!

very fondly, Cat

Geezer

2 months 1 week ago

I'm thinking...

that you need to give the meter a little attention.
It could help to stir the lines around a little bit..

This cruel, cruel fate at the break of dawn, [I couldn't figure a way to add the car without sounding clunky.]
Right at this spot, the pain took hold,
A tragic story, a truth untold.

She wept alone, her heart in pain,
Drew a cross on the pole, in fitful rain.
"Your angel she sighed, a whispered plea,
Her solace there for all to see."

Of course, it's only my opinion, but I think the meter should keep the poem moving. ~ Geez.
.

Clentin

2 months 1 week ago

Loved your poem.Shows real

Loved your poem.Shows real emotion.I liked the last verse

She wept alone, her heart in pain,
Drew a cross on the pole, in tearful rain.
"Your angel," she signed, a whispered plea,
For solace there, for all to see.